


Engine Company 14

by SeaDog11



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:13:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 37,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24261145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeaDog11/pseuds/SeaDog11
Summary: He needs her the way a fire needs oxygen.
Relationships: Josh Lyman/Donna Moss
Comments: 219
Kudos: 133





	1. An Early Appointment

**Author's Note:**

> So on a typical Sunday afternoon a few weeks back, this idea popped into my mind and I ran with it. I became so inspired to write this to the point where I put all of my other writing projects on hold. The more chapters I completed, the more I fell in love with this story. It's an A/U that runs alongside the first season of The West Wing and it is from Donna's perspective. This is the first time I have ever written a first person point of view through Donna's eyes, and I have had so much fun writing it! I will be posting one to two chapters a week, since I still have more chapters to write before it's complete. 
> 
> I want to say a special thank you to The_Electric_Eel and JObrien42. They both helped me extensively with this story, especially with outlining and plot development. Without their help, I would not have been able to tell the story that I was trying to "put on paper". Again, thank you both so much!
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story!

August 1999

It’s 3:00 in the morning and I can’t sleep. I’ve been listening to the high pitched squeal of my living room smoke detector for a solid 30 minutes. Who the hell can sleep with that racket? For the life of me, I have no idea what’s wrong with it. I just moved into this apartment and per the moving checklist, the batteries have recently been changed. For a brief moment, I miss my old place. It wasn’t the nicest apartment in the nicest part of town and it came with a roommate, but at least the smoke detectors worked properly.

I’ve only been in bed for two hours. I dragged myself home from the White House just after midnight, and despite how tired I am, I give in and march into the living room, determined to stop the incessant noise. I disconnect the damn thing and leave it on the secondhand coffee table I just picked up a week ago at the local flea market. Problem solved; I’m a genius, or so I tell myself as I walk back into my room and collapse on my bed. It’s been a long couple of days for the White House Communications Department, and Toby was kind enough to give me tomorrow off. Well actually, I guess that’s today. I usually end up working a half day on Saturdays, so this is a nice treat. 

A knock at the door wakes me up. I look at my clock and see that it’s barely 7:00; I’m just going to accept the fact that I don’t get to sleep in. It is what it is. I look through the spy hole and see some guy dressed in navy blue wearing a DCFD ball cap standing outside my apartment and looking rather impatient. It’s then that I realize I had scheduled this appointment early, thinking I would have to go to work after. I open the door for him.

“Can I help you?” My voice reflects how groggy I feel. I’m momentarily embarrassed when I realize I have answered the door in my pajamas, which consists of plaid shorts that are just a little too short and a ribbed tank top that shows just a little too much mid drift. 

He removes his DCFD hat before he speaks, “Ma’am, I’m here for your scheduled fire inspection.” He’s all business and doesn’t even say good morning. I can’t help but notice that he’s good looking, albeit a little disheveled. His shirt isn’t completely tucked in and it’s just a little too big for him. His hair is sticking up in 30 different directions, but who am I to judge? I have terrible bedhead right now; I can feel the hairs that have come loose from my ponytail prickling my neck.

“Oh um, yeah . . . yeah I forgot about that, clearly,” I make a gesture to explain my somewhat inappropriate appearance. “Come in, and maybe the first thing you can do is fix my smoke detector? The alarm wouldn’t stop, so I unplugged it.” 

“Yeah I can see that,” he points to the coffee table. I swear he smirks, and when he does I can’t help but notice his deep dimples and the slightest shine to his dark brown eyes.

“So you can’t do that ma’am. It needs to be plugged in at all times for your safety and for the safety of those around you.”

“Sorry. Mr . . .” I get a closer look at his name and rank sewn into his collared shirt. “Excuse me. Sorry, Lieutenant Lyman.”

“There’s no need to apologize, but you’re lucky your inspection was scheduled for today so that I could fix it. These smoke detectors are here to keep you safe Ma’am, so please don’t disconnect them,” he says as he walks past me and swipes the small round disk from my coffee table. His answer does nothing to improve my cranky mood, but I’m momentarily distracted by his wavy auburn hair and the way it curls at the nape of his neck. My eyes move to his biceps and how they are slightly flexing as he places the detector back into the ceiling with astute proficiency. God, I’ve been checking him out for a solid 30 seconds, which is so embarrassing. I’m hoping he hasn’t noticed, he seems pretty hyper focused on what he’s doing. I take a moment to grab my robe from my bedroom and when I return he’s walking through my kitchen with a clipboard, checking it off as he goes. It hits me then that he looks just as tired as I do, maybe more, so I decide to make us a pot of coffee. As he goes into my bedroom with his clipboard I start to check the cabinets for coffee and only find an empty bag of Folgers. I can’t help but let out a sigh as I lean my head against a cabinet.

“That’s a pretty loud sigh,” he says as he walks back into the kitchen.

“Oh you heard that?”

“I think the whole apartment complex did,” again he shows that smirk and I roll my eyes a little bit at his sarcasm. 

“Well it was an appropriate volume for someone who’s lamenting over a lack of coffee in her apartment,” I banter back.

“I’m done here Miss . . .” He pauses as he looks at his clipboard. “Miss Moss.”

“Donna, and thanks. Did I pass?” 

“Other than the smoke detector, yes I’d say you passed.”

“You just had to mention the smoke detector, didn’t you?”

“Well how could I not?” He smiles at me and I’m lost in those damn dimples.

“Take it easy on the girl who needs caffeine. I’d give my left arm for a peppermint mocha right about now.”

“Well I guess that’s my queue to leave before your caffeine headache kicks in and I’m on the receiving end of it.”

“Very funny Lieutenant,” I scowl just a little bit. The aforementioned caffeine headache is in fact creeping in.

“Josh. And here, call me any time if you have any questions or ya know problems with that smoke detector,” he scribbles his number down onto a piece of paper and hands it to me as he makes his way towards my door.

“Thanks, Josh. I appreciate you coming over.”

“No problem. Bye Donna.”

I lock the door behind him and stand there for a moment, trying to figure out why my apartment inspection was the highlight of my week. I suppose it’s because I had a good looking man in my apartment and it’s been longer than I care to admit since I’ve had a guy over at my place. Despite my caffeine headache that’s growing in intensity, I decide to clean up a bit. When I’m done, I’m still not sure if I want to go back to bed or put the effort into getting dressed and going out to get a coffee. Before I can make up my mind, I hear a knock at my door. I smile a little when I see that it’s Josh again.

“Ahhh. Firefighter Josh. Are you back to see if I still had the smoke detector plugged in?”

“Maybe. But I thought you might like this. I wouldn’t want you to give up your left arm,” he chuckles a little as he hands me a venti peppermint mocha.

I smile back at him. 

Correction- THIS is the highlight of my week.


	2. Coffee And A Walk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the positive response to Engine Company 14 :) I appreciate the comments and/or kudos!
> 
> From time to time, some of the chapters will have quotes and/or dialogue from the show. There is a quote from the show at the end of this chapter :)
> 
> Enjoy!

It’s been a little over a week since Josh inspected my apartment and fixed my smoke detector, but I woke up around 4:45 this morning to its relentless buzzing again. I’m tempted to unplug it and fall back asleep in my cocoon of soft sheets, but Josh seemed so adamant about not doing that and he’s the firefighter so he knows what he’s talking about. I pull myself out of bed and make the effort to poke at the thing in hopes that it will stop beeping, but no luck. I have no idea what I’m doing, and I swear the buzzing is getting louder. I hate to call Josh this early in the morning about this, but he did say call any time.

This is really bad timing, I tell myself as I hunt for his phone number in a kitchen drawer. Things at work are a little hot right now and I really needed my beauty sleep before having to deal with what would best be described as less than ideal work conditions in the West Wing Communications Department. My boss doesn’t get along with his boss, and that’s putting it lightly. I don’t blame Toby for being upset, he deserves to be the White House Communications Director, but instead he’s David Rosen’s Deputy. Toby’s ideals and values align with President Bartlet’s, and David’s not so much. Bonnie, Ginger, and I are guessing the two will be at each other’s throats by 9am over the speech they are trying to complete for the DC Teachers Union. The deadline is this Friday, and so far they have a rough draft and I’m being kind when I say that. Toby has already set his trash on fire twice within the past two weeks. Maybe I should ask Josh the best way to put out a trash can fire, but if his reaction is anything like it was when I told him about my smoke detector, then maybe I shouldn’t. 

I find his phone number underneath the Chinese takeout menu and dial. He has nice penmanship, small letters in all caps. My mom used to say that you can tell a lot about a person by their handwriting. He picks up on the first ring, and again all business like he was when I first met him.

“Engine Company 14 this is Lieutenant Josh Lyman, how may I help you?”

“Josh?” I realize immediately that I sound stupid, he already said his name.

“Uh, yeah?”

“Right. Umm this is Donna, Donna Moss.”

“Ahh smoke detector lady.”

“You remember.”

“You're hard to forget.”

“That’s nice, I think?”

“I remember the people who unplug smoke detectors," he says cooley. 

“That doesn’t sound like a list I want to be on.”

“Well by the sounds of it, I can take you off. I hear the thing buzzing through the phone.

The wiring must be loose, but you didn’t unplug it, so good job," he sounds smug, and I can’t help but banter back.

“Well someone came over last week, but I guess he didn’t do a good enough job fixing it,” I’m pleased with my response, but I keep my tone playful.

“Miss Moss-”

“Donna,” I cut him off.

“Right. Donna it sounds like loose wiring, and there is no way I could have known that last week, especially since the thing stopped buzzing when I reattached it. I will have you know that I am EXCELLENT at installing smoke detectors. I’m the best in the city.” 

“Okay then come over and prove it.”

“I will be there in 20 minutes.”

I hang up the phone and shake my head. Bickering with him has drastically improved my mood this morning. I take a quick shower and throw on my gray pencil skirt and pale blue blouse just as I hear a knock at my door.

“Hi,” I say with a smile. He smiles back and follows me inside, setting his backpack down on my coffee table and taking off his DCFD cap. Again, I find myself staring at his hair. It must be a little humid out, because his curls are out of control. For a moment I imagine what it would be like to run my hands through his thick locks. 

“So uhh, I got my tools. This will take about five minutes.”

“Take your time.”

“Don’t need to. I’m excellent at this,” he grins at me and those dimples render me nothing short of speechless. I tell myself to get it together, you’d think I hadn’t seen a good looking man in ages, but I can’t help it, he’s ridiculously attractive in his own way. I let him do his thing as I twist my hair and clip it into place, then I pack my bag for work. When he’s done, I’m waiting on the couch ready to go to work. 

“You go to work early,” he points out as he puts away his tools. 

“Yeah, my job is pretty demanding, and this week has been rough.”

“Ahh. Yeah I get that.” 

And his response makes me feel like an idiot, “I’m sorry. Here I am telling you how demanding my job is, and you’re out there fighting fires and keeping us safe.”

“It’s okay. I’m sure your job is tough in a different kind of way, but umm thanks for acknowledging what the DCFD does.”

His sincerity strikes a chord in me. He’s humble about what he does. As we walk down the stairs, I admit to myself that I enjoy talking to him, so I take a leap.

“Hey listen, Josh. Umm, that was really nice of you to buy me coffee last week. Let me return the favor,” I’m immediately regretting my boldness. I probably sound like one of those desperate women who ask out a man in a uniform just because they were doing their job.

“Sure, I’d like that. I had a long shift.” 

“Kay,” I reply, trying to hold back my smile and look like a normal human being.

The walk to the coffee shop is less than a minute from my place. I order my weekly treat, a peppermint mocha. I’m definitely a girl on a budget, especially since I don’t have a roommate anymore, so coffee is usually whatever is in the bullpen or whatever is in my kitchen.

“A medium coffee, three sugars and extra cream.” 

“Are you going to have any caffeine in there with all that cream and sugar?” I tease him.

“You make a good point, but this is what I get after a long shift. It’s enough caffeine so that I can get some things done before I go to bed. If it’s my day off, it’s just a normal amount of cream and one sugar, and umm I order a large,” Josh takes a sip of his coffee and I can tell that he’s enjoying it. Something tells me he had a long night.

“So what kind of schedule do you work?” I ask as we leave the coffee shop. I see people looking at us, but I’m guessing it’s because they can tell Josh is a firefighter by his hat and large DCFD emblem on his t-shirt. A little boy maybe 5 or 6 years old is staring at him in awe, it’s cute.

“24 on, 24 off, 48 on, 4 days off,” he tells me as he adjusts his backpack full of tools.

“Wow, that would take some getting used to. Did you just finish a 24 or 48 hour shift?”

“48, and yeah it did take some getting used to at first. The weird part is sleeping in a firehouse with a bunch of other people, but you get used to it. You kind of sleep with one eye open ya know? Just waiting for the bell to go off.” 

“And does it usually go off?” I’m not really sure how busy firefighters are, but in a city like DC, I’d imagine pretty busy.

“I would say it feels like a 50/50 chance. It went off last night,” he shrugs like it's no big deal that he fought a fire the night before.

“Well thanks, for doing what you do. I hope people tell you that everyday,” and it’s true, he puts his life on the line to save other people, he should be thanked for that.

“You’re welcome. Thanks for calling me about your smoke detector this morning Donna,” Again, the sincerity in his voice strikes a chord in me. 

We talk a little more until I realize we are in front of the West Wing gates.

“Well this is me,” my gaze drifts towards the White House.

“You work here, at the White House?” He smiles as he asks.

“Yeah. In the Communications Department.”

“Ahh, for David Rosen and Toby Ziegler,” it’s a statement not a question.

“Yeah, Toby’s my boss actually. Someone keeps current with politics,” I smile and can’t help it when I nudge him in the arm just a little bit.

“Firemen like to keep up to date too.” 

“Of course, I wasn’t implying that-”

“Relax Donna. I’m just giving you a hard time. Do good in there, and thanks for the coffee,” he raises his cup as he starts to slowly back away.

“You’re welcome Josh. And I’ll try, ya know, with the whole do good thing,” he gives me another smile before turning and walking across the street. 

And it’s that moment I realize he went out of his way to walk me to work.


	3. A Surprise Visit

It’s 8:00 and I’m just getting comfortable in my pajama pants and t-shirt. When I woke up this morning, I thought for sure that my demanding boss would be keeping me at the office until at least 9 or 10 o’clock, especially since that Teachers Union Speech still isn’t done. I hadn’t seen Toby all day except when he barked an occasional order at me, which was fine, he was in a mood; but I was surprised when he told me to go home and it was still light out. I got the sense that maybe he was done dealing with his boss for the day.

Bonnie, Ginger, and I were right, Toby and David were at each other’s throats by 9am, but that fire was extinguished quickly when our Chief of Staff Leo McGarry walked by. We didn’t hear much of the conversation from the Communications Bullpen, just Leo’s final ‘Would you get it together, please!?’ as he walked out of David’s office with a scowl on his face. I like Leo McGarry, a lot. He’s an excellent leader; it’s too bad that his staff isn’t the best at getting along. Besides the issues with Toby and David, the Deputy Chief of Staff seems to be having issues getting along with everyone these days. I can see why Leo looks stressed, he’s supposed to be able to rely on his deputy, but that’s tough when someone is pushing their own agenda instead of the President’s. 

I sit down on my loveseat couch and curl my legs under me, eager to enjoy a classy combination of pinot and a slice of day old pizza. Just as I’m about to turn the TV on, I hear a knock at the door. I’m a little miffed at the interruption, I really just wanted to relax and enjoy my dinner. But as I look through the spy hole, I’m pleasantly surprised to see Josh standing there. My mood improves considerably.

“What are you doing here?” I inquire cheerfully as I lean on the door slightly. 

“Batteries,” he says as he holds up a packet of double A’s. “You umm should have extra batteries for your smoke detector.”

I can’t help but notice how he’s slightly bouncing on the balls of his feet. He looks refreshed, a far cry from his tired, albeit handsome look from this morning. He’s wearing jeans with a white t-shirt and plaid button down, and his hair is still sticking up in 30 different directions; the relaxed demeanor of a firefighter is a nice thing to see.

“An extra set of batteries is always a good thing to have. My TV remote always seems to die.” 

“Uh-uh,” he shakes his head. “These batteries are to be saved until you need them in your smoke detector.”

“You won’t give them to me unless I allocate them for the smoke detector, will you?” I raise my eyebrow at him.

“That is correct.”

“Okay,” I acquiesce. “But if my TV remote dies, I’m calling you.”

“I will buy you batteries for your remote,” and suddenly my stomach does a flip when I realize he just made plans to come back over.  


“That’s nice of you, Josh.”

“Well, I’m a nice guy Donna.”

“Do nice guys like beer and leftover pizza? Because I need to repay you for the batteries,” I’m going with my hunch that maybe he didn’t just come over here to drop off double A’s. I hope I’m not wrong.

“This nice guy likes pizza and beer.”

“Then come in.” 

“Ak-kay,” he steps into my apartment and immediately removes his sneakers. I can’t help but smile at that. He was raised with good manners. It’s a nice change of pace from dealing with my ex-boyfriend Wade who was fine with trekking in Wisconsin mud and snow, and then expected me to keep our dingy apartment clean.  


I place the rest of the leftover pizza in the oven to warm and hand Josh a beer.

“Thanks . . . Ahh, a Miller Lite fan.” 

“Well of course, I’m a Wisconsin girl. Born and raised in Madison.”

“Yeah?!” He asks with an impish grin as he takes a sip.

“Yes Lieutenant, I am from Wisconsin.”

“America’s Dairyland. Did you have a dairy farm Donna? Are you a Dairy Farmer?” And out come those dimples of his and all I can do is playfully roll my eyes at him.

“God, Josh no. Not everyone in Wisconsin is a dairy farmer, but there was a farm down the street from my house.”

“And I bet you named the cows there?” 

“Are you seriously asking me that?” He just stares at me with raised eyebrows and he knows he’s got me. “Okay yes, yes I named the cows. Where are you from Mr. Lieutenant Firefighter?”

“Connecticut, Westport specifically.”

“Ahh, a New Englander. President Bartlet would love you.”

“Well the feeling’s mutual. I’m a big fan of his,” his statement makes my heart skip. I’ve met dozens of people who say in passing that they like President Bartlet, but the way Josh said it was with genuine admiration. We could probably sit here all talk about politics for hours and that would be fun, but tonight I would like to get to know the man in front of me before deep-diving into just one topic.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

“So what made you decide to become a firefighter?” I ask as I bring over two plates of cheese pizza.

“See I like you even more Donna. Cheese pizza is my favorite.”

“Not a toppings guy?”

“Basically. I’m not a vegetable fan and I’m Jewish so no meat and cheese at the same time. Ya know, the whole Kosher thing.” 

“I get that. My boss is the same way.”

“I’ve seen Toby at Temple. I rarely go, but when I do, he’s usually there.” 

“Every Saturday. And I’m impressed you remembered who my boss was.”

“I generally listen when people tell me things.”

“That’s nice to know,” I smile a little bit, hoping that it covers for my soft tone of voice. It doesn’t, and he picks up on it.

“I take it you’ve had people in your past who didn’t listen?” His voice is a little quieter when he asks.

“Something like that. But that’s maybe a story for another time,” he must sense that I’m uncomfortable with this topic, because he switches gears.

“So you asked me about becoming a firefighter. I guess it was always something I just felt like I had to do . . . since I was a kid.”

“Sounds like you had a calling.”

“Something like that, but my parents hated the idea. They both begged me to follow in my father’s footsteps: Harvard and then Yale Law. I met them halfway. I went to Harvard and instead of Yale Law I went on to the National Fire Academy in Maryland. I did my EMT training there too.” 

“How did that go over with your parents? I mean I’m guessing they hoped you would change your mind while you were at Harvard?” I know a little bit about how he feels. My parents wanted me to stay in Wisconsin and Marry Wade . . . be a doctor’s wife. They also didn’t know how much of a scumbag he was. 

“Badly at first. My Dad was disappointed and my mother cried and wouldn’t talk to me. She was scared to death of losing her son, she still is. But they came around.”

“Are you close with them?”

“Yeah, but my Dad actually passed away a year and a half ago,” he goes quiet for a moment, like he’s lost in his memories. I can see that there is a lot of pain beneath his surface and there is just no way to take it away.

“Oh Josh, I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry you lost your dad.” 

“Thanks. It was just one of those bad luck things. He was having his chemo treatment and developed a pulmonary embolism that traveled straight to his heart, cardiac arrest. It was actually the night of the Illinois primary. I was watching, you guys did good.” 

“We did do good,” his praise makes me smile, but his story is breaking my heart. 

“Okay Donna Moss. I would love to hear all about your journey into politics, I’m sure it’s a good one. But it’s getting late and I want to make sure I show you how to properly install your smoke detector if and when you do need to change the batteries. And let me be clear, that is the ONLY time I’m okay with you detaching that thing from your ceiling,” he makes his point clear. Safety is his number one concern.

It only takes a few minutes for Josh to show me how to uninstall and reinstall the smoke detector. It may have been a quick lesson, but it’s clear to me that Josh is an excellent teacher and that he enjoys it. We say good night and he hangs by the door.

“So I know you’re probably busy, but I still want to hear about your adventure into politics and apparently I need to buy you batteries for your TV remote. Maybe that can happen next weekend? Maybe we have more pizza and beer? I can bring the beer. Good beer.”

“You bring your “good” beer, and I will take care of the pizza.”

“Nothing green on it?” 

“Promise.” 

“See you next weekend Donna . . . And don’t remove your smoke detector please,” he adds as he smiles and walks out the door.

"Bye Josh. I will leave the smoke detector alone, UNLESS it needs new batteries," we grin at each before I close the door and lean back against it, smiling as I think about him for a moment.

He didn't just come over tonight to give me batteries.


	4. Friends Who Kiss

It’s been a long week. We’ve got meetings coming up with right wing religious groups, which is not one of Toby’s favorite things. He usually holes himself up in his office bouncing his spaldeen until he absolutely has to go, and it’s my job to drag him out of his office and get him to said meeting. It is high on the list of one of my least favorite things to do. Dealing with the aftermath is generally no picnic either. 

Then there’s the prep that Toby, CJ, and I have been doing with Annie Westin, the president’s granddaughter. She’s being interviewed in the upcoming weeks by one of those teenie bopper magazines. Telling a teenage girl what to say and what not to say generally isn’t the easiest thing, but Annie was pretty understanding.

I left work today around two o’clock, which is unusually late for a Saturday. Toby isn’t 100 percent satisfied with the speech writing staff, so he asked me to comb through a few rough drafts and wanted them marked up in red pen. I’m probably going to have to deal with a few glares on Monday when the staff sees what we’ve done to their drafts. We’re basically telling them that they need to be re-written. I feel a little bad about that.

The highlight of my week was Wednesday night when I got a call from Josh, asking if we were still on for Saturday. He spent the first two minutes explaining how he had trouble reading my phone number off of my fire inspection paperwork, claiming that my handwriting was atrocious. I told him it was distinctive. He then proceeded to spend the next five minutes barking orders at his staff in the firehouse and answering their questions, and then complaining to me about our phone call being interrupted. I teased him and suggested that maybe the orders he gave weren’t clear enough, so we bantered about that for a solid five minutes. It was nice, crawling into bed and winding down with Josh on the line, talking about our day. I found that I fell asleep easily after that. 

I’m just about done getting ready when the doorbell rings. I notice immediately that my stomach is in knots and I’m nervous, but the feeling disappears when I open the door and Josh smiles. I’ve been waiting for this night all week.

“I brought dude movies Donna. Dude movies and beer,” he holds the items up in each hand.

“Joshua, Josh, Josh. I told you on the phone to bring at least one chick flick, and that we would watch one of each.”

“Oh is that what you said?” He feigns innocence. “I thought you said bring two dude movies. My mistake.” He toes off his shoes and slides them under the bench as he grins at me.

“Well I ordered pizza with green stuff,” two can play at this game. I see the smirk wipe off his face.

“What?”

“Yeah. Spinach, green peppers, and some tomatoes.”

“Okay Donna, you KNOW I don’t eat the green stuff on pizza,” he’s almost whining.

“Oh, is that what you told me? I thought you said you liked green stuff on pizza. My mistake,” I sway my hips just a little bit as I walk over to the loveseat.

“Wait a sec, I see what you did there. Very funny. But you did order cheese, right?” He looks so nervous over the status of the pizza that I let him off the hook.

“Yes Josh. Cheese pizza.”

“K, good.”

I’m looking at my choice of dude movies while Josh grabs the pizza from the delivery guy. When he said dude movies, I half expected Die Hard or Rambo, but he brought Rudy and A Few Good Men. I actually haven’t seen either.

“Let’s watch Rudy. That’s the one about the kid trying to make the football team, right?”

“Yes, but not just any football team . . . The Notre Dame football team. Do you think President Bartlet likes this movie?” Josh winks at me as he hands me a slice of pizza and pops the top on a Sam Adams Summer ale. 

“Yes. I’m sure he would. He mostly enjoys old flicks, but he would like this since it’s about his alma mater. We would probably have to hear him talk about the history of the University through the whole movie. He talks during every movie,” I stress on the word every. Josh smiles as he takes a swig from his beer. 

“He’s a smart guy. I bet he can talk about a lot of things off the top of his head.”

“Yeah, like national parks. He’ll talk about parks for hours.”

“That’s a conversation I don’t think I would want to be a part of,” Josh chuckles as he sits back on the couch with his plate. 

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

The movie plays in the background while we talk and drink beer. Somehow we’ve gone from drinking our own to passing a bottle back and forth. The person holding it seems to be the one talking. Josh is easy to talk to and conversations with him just flow naturally. If I’m being honest with myself, this is the best night I’ve had since I moved here a year and a half ago, and it has everything to do with the man sitting next to me.

“So tell me about your adventure into politics. I’ve been waiting to hear this story,” he tilts his head slightly, revealing his deep dimples.

“Ahh. Well it’s a long story. A bad beginning with a good ending.”

“I like a good ending. And it’s ya know better to end well and start badly than vice versa,” his smile and soft tone encourages me to continue.

“It’s a little heavy, like your story.”

“That’s okay. Just take your time and if there’s anything too heavy to share, you can omit it from your story. It’s your story Donna, tell it how you want to tell it,” he has a way with words, and it makes me completely comfortable with what I’m about to tell him.

“So I floundered in college. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I had declared about six majors in two years, and during that time, I met Wade,” I see Josh’s face turn serious when he understands what my tone of voice is saying. He knows where this story is going.

“Wade was a few years older and swept me off my feet. He was a medical student and wanted to be with me for some reason or another. Things happened pretty quickly and then before I knew it, I had dropped out of college to support him during his residency and I was working two jobs, barely keeping food on the table of our small apartment. Wade made my world smaller and smaller until there was no one left but him,” I’m not going to go into any more specifics about that. I think Josh knows I’m cutting out these particular details of the story. He’s looking at me with those deep, brown eyes and I know that look. It’s the same look I gave him last week when he shared his story about his dad. He understands, there’s nothing more I need to say about what happened with Wade.

“So anyway. I woke up one morning and decided enough was enough. I moved in with my friend Steph and went back to school. I wrote a letter to my parents which was more like a speech, and found that I had a knack for it. I decided to major in English with a concentration in speech writing. A lot of those classes had me dissecting and writing political speeches and I took a trip to DC and caught Potomac Fever. The minute I came back I declared a dual major with political science. 

So I graduated and worked as an assistant in the Statehouse,” I stop my story and smile as I begin the next part. “And one morning, I saw Governor Bartlet on TV, and I just knew I had to be a part of what he was doing. I believed in him immediately and knew he could give our country a brighter future. I was at his campaign office in Nashua two weeks later and I found the messiest office and hired myself . . . That office was Toby’s. I think he let me stay because I told him I liked his pink spaldeen ball. He doesn’t smile much, he’s pretty gruff, but that comment earned me a smile from Toby Ziegler.” I tell him a few other stories about the campaign, including my predisposition for getting parking tickets.

“And here you are, working in the West Wing” 

“Here I am, working in the West Wing.”

“And Donna . . .” He leans forward slightly and holds my hand. I feel my pulse race when his warm hand relaxes in mine, our fingers laced together. “I’m glad you got away from Dr. Freeride. And I like those stories about you.” 

“Freeride . . . That’s very fitting for Wade,” I pause for a moment and take a deep breath. “I just hate that it took so long for me to get away.” My voice chokes a little as I say the words out loud. Josh responds by squeezing my fingers; him just being present with me is all I need. We enjoy the comfortable silence for a moment, but I can tell he has something he wants to share with me, so I pass him our shared Sam Adams Summer ale and he comes right out with it.

“I don’t date, but I like spending time with you Donna,” his words are almost a whisper, like he’s afraid to tell me this. I’m taken by surprise, it wasn’t what I was expecting. He’s still holding my hand and his fingers are playing with mine. It feels nice, our hands fit nicely together. 

“I want to tell you why,” he looks at me and his eyes tell me that he’s hopeful I will understand. I smile, encouraging him to continue.

“I’ve been a firefighter for almost 15 years and I can’t tell you how many times we’ve lost one of our own. It’s been too many. I’ve lost too many guys, Donna . . . and every time it happens, our captain has to accompany the chief to tell that fallen firefighter’s loved ones that he or she died in the line of duty. In an instant, that family’s life changes forever and I wouldn’t wish that grief upon my worst enemy. I’m not just a firefighter, Donna; I work on the search and rescue team. Every time I go into a burning building, there’s a chance that I’m not coming out. So I don’t date. I can’t have a wife and kids, not when the possibility of the captain and chief knocking on my front door is so high. . .” 

And his admission has me near tears. He expects his life to be short and it’s breaking me into a thousand pieces. I understand where he’s coming from and I can be his friend, even if it’s hard knowing we can’t be anything more.

“We can be friends Josh,” I squeeze his hand. 

“Yeah?” He arches his eyebrows as if he’s surprised by my answer. His smile makes me feel warm. 

“Of course yeah,” my smile matches his.

“Ah-kay. So umm, can we hang out next weekend? Saturday, my place?”

“Yeah. But let’s do Chinese takeout instead. And it’s my turn with the movie selection, so I’m bringing a chick flick.”

“Fine, but that doesn’t mean I won’t convince you to watch one of the dude movies in my collection,” he winks at me as we make our way over to my front door. The mood shifts suddenly though, and as I’m just about to unlock the door he places his hand over mine.

“Donna?”

“Hmm?” 

“I really like spending time with you,” his voice is barely a whisper as we move towards one another slowly, just a little hesitant as to what happens next.

“I really like spending time with you too, Josh,” my voice is as quiet as his. We both lean our foreheads together, and I know he’s trying to tell me in his own way that he wishes we could be more. 

“Yeah?” He asks, his hands lightly run down my arms until they come to rest on my hips.

“Yeah,” and I can’t help it when my arms find their way around his neck. I feel my fingers meet his soft curls as I run my hands through them. A moment later I feel Josh’s soft lips on mine. He’s kissing me and I immediately feel his warmth as he pulls me closer, his hands now cupping my face as his lips gently part for mine. I don’t want it to end. I feel his tongue run along my top lip before he gently kisses my lips again, then pulling away slowly. He’s looking at me to gauge my reaction. He licks his upper lip just slightly, and I find myself mesmerized by it. I make sure my expression is telling him exactly what I’m feeling. 

“We can be friends who kiss . . .” He whispers as his thumbs gently stroke my lower back.

“We can be friends who kiss . . .” I repeat. It’s the last thing either of us says before our lips are crashing against each other and we’re moving away from the door.


	5. The Roof Deck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and/or kudos! :)

It’s been a good week. I may be stressed at work, but talking to Josh every night has been something nice to look forward to. He understands that my schedule is crazy and that I’m doing whatever I can to show Toby and David that I’m ready for more. There were even a few phone calls where he offered to help me with some speech writing, and with the information I could provide, I was amazed to see how easily he was able to argue what worked well and what didn’t. He was also on point with suggesting alternative verbiage, and that’s when I learned how proud Josh was of his 760 verbal SAT score. I could hear it in his voice and gave him a hard time about it. I yanked his chain a bit too, telling him I scored a 780. I think I heard his jaw drop over the phone as I sat there with an ear splitting grin while he silently tried to find something witty to say. I couldn’t help but point out that even people who score a 760 on their verbal have trouble finding words sometimes. He stuttered momentarily and then bantered back how he had single handedly improved the material I was working on. I finally let him off the hook and told him that my score was actually 700, which is still nothing to balk at. Josh’s response was a threat of all dude movies on Saturday and I could hear the amusement in his voice. His good mood always seems to put me in a good mood.

There were two phone calls over the week that were difficult, one on his 24 hour shift and one on his 48 hour shift. Both times we were deep into our conversation and then the firehouse bell suddenly rang. I felt a stream of anxiety immediately flow through me; it’s terrifying to know that he’s search and rescue. I would hear the shift in his voice as he hung up the phone, and I was left there with a deadline, scared that something might happen to him. I’ve only known Josh for a few weeks, and the thought of anything happening to him keeps me awake at night. I can’t relax until I see his name on my caller ID the following evening, and then I let out a breath that I didn’t even realize I was holding.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

I’m surprised that I’m able to find a parking spot in Georgetown on a Saturday night. For a moment I think I’m in a no parking zone and that I will more than likely end up with yet another parking ticket, but I double check the area around my honda and it appears to be a legitimate spot. The walk to Josh’s townhouse is only a couple of minutes, and like all the buildings in Georgetown, it’s well kept and pleasing to the eye. I’m drawn to the trees and large windows facing the street, but my eyes immediately find Josh, who’s sitting on the top of his stoop waiting. He smiles and waves as he energetically hops up and bounds down the stairs to meet me. I smile back and wave just as enthusiastically. I’ve been looking forward to tonight all week.

“Ya found it!” 

“Yeah your directions were okay I guess,” I wink and he laughs as he places his hands on my waist. I think we’re both wondering if our greeting includes a kiss. Afterall, we did decide last week that we’re friends who kiss. We also decided after making out on my couch for an hour and a half, that we’re friends who do that too. I’m not shy. I lean in and he meets me halfway. The kiss is brief, but it sends a warm current through my body. He puts his hand on the small of my back as we make our way inside. 

Josh opens the door to his unit and everything about his home feels like him. It’s warm and comfortable, but it’s also slightly disorganized and a little chaotic. He has folders and papers all over his desk in the corner and there are stacks of books that have been removed from his built-ins and piled on the floor. There’s some dry cleaning hanging over his exercise bike, which appears to be his dress uniform, and he’s got a record player with several records shoved into a bookcase and spilling onto the floor. His home is well lived in and inviting. He has beautiful windows in his living room, which allow in the perfect amount of light. From his foyer, I can see that his fireplace mantle is decorated with framed photos from different parts of his life. Just as he does at my place, I toe off my shoes and slide them under a small bench. 

“So this is it. Sorry I didn’t get a chance to pick up too much, busy week at the station.”

“It’s fine Josh.”

“It’s messy.”

“It’s fine to be a little messy. It’s not like it’s dirty.”

“Well yeah, I’m not a hoarder or anything and I take out my trash,” he gives me a dimpled grin as he takes a sip of Blue Moon and hands me the bottle.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

So Toby’s got you writing speeches,” it’s definitely not a question, but rather a statement. He’s pretty familiar with my work tasks by now.

“Yeah,” I pause to take a bite of beef and broccoli from my takeout carton before continuing. “He knows I have a background in speech writing, and it’s easier for him to walk right outside his door and ask me to handle something than to walk down to the Speech Writers office. Plus, he seems to realize I can do more than just answer phones and handle his calendar.”

“He finds you valuable,” Josh points his chopsticks at me to emphasize his words before stirring his Kung Pow chicken around and taking another bite.

“Yeah, I think at this point he does. At least I hope so anyway.”

“Smart man,” his statement makes me blush. 

“After we eat, wanna go outside? There’s a roof deck with a great view of the city. We can even bring up the hard stuff,” Josh looks over at a bottle of scotch and two glasses that he has on an end table.

“I’m not turning that down,” Rusty Nail is my drink of choice, I’m familiar with my scotch.

“Do you want some of the chicken?” 

“Sure, here have some beef and broccoli.”

“I’m not eating the broccoli.”

“Come on Josh, you need to have some vegetables in your diet.”

“Peas maybe, not vegetables that look like they have spongy stuff.”

“Okay fine. No making out then,” I take a bite of chicken and wait for his response.

“Wait what? What do you mean no making out?”

“You only get to make out with me if you eat a few pieces of broccoli.”

“What?! Donna that’s not fair. I had a lot of plans for you and me tonight that involved making out.”

“Well sorry. Not without eating the broccoli,” that’s a lie, but I’m not going to tell him that. I’m dying to makeout with this man. I’ve thought about our time on the couch from last Saturday way too much this week. He gives me a look before shoving a piece of broccoli in his mouth, his face screws up in an odd way.

“It isn’t that bad.”

“Yes, yes it is Donna. I hate it.”

“One more piece.”

“Fine,” he finishes his second piece and throws his arms in the air to declare his victory.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

The sun is just setting as we make our way onto the roof deck. Josh wasn’t kidding about the views. I can see two tower spires at Georgetown, the Potomac river in another direction, and the Washington Monument. 

“I like to come up here and relax. Drink a beer after a long shift or maybe have coffee in the morning and read the paper.” 

“Quite the outdoorsmen.”

“Don’t doubt it for a moment, smoke detector lady.”

“That nickname is going to stick, isn’t it?”

“Yes. No room for negotiation.”

“Okay Pumpkin Patch.”

“Pumpkin Patch?” He eyes me.

“Yes, no room for negotiation,” I look at him with a coy smile as I throw his words back at him.

“We should hang out here more, ya know to enjoy the roof deck,” he’s very close to my body as he delivers his message softly into my ear, all the while reaching around me and grabbing the bottle of scotch. He pours two glasses and hands me one.

“To really liking spending time with each other . . .” he raises his glass to me. 

“To really liking spending time with each other . . .” I repeat his words as I drink to his toast. Josh follows suit as he continues to look at me. A moment of comfortable silence passes before I walk over to the edge of the balcony to feel the cool, late summer breeze against my face. It only takes a second for me to sense Josh's presence behind me. His scent is intoxicating.

"Do you want another drink?" He whispers in my ear.

I turn in his arms and answer no, but my actions explain exactly what I want as I slowly walk towards the stairs. 

He's right behind me.

The minute we are in the stairwell his lips crash against mine as I lean against the wall between his hands. His arms quickly move to my hips as he pulls me against him and my hands move from his chest to wrap around his neck. I’m lightly tugging on his hair, trying to draw him closer. I feel his body rock against mine and there isn’t any doubt in my mind that he wants this as much as I do, but I still need him to hear me say it. I don’t want any miscommunication.

“I want you, Josh,” my words are breathy and quiet as I whisper them into his ear.

“Do you want to be friends who have sex, Donna?” He growls into my neck as he continues to rock his body against mine.

“Yes,” I feel my body shiver in anticipation as I think about what we’re about to do.

“Good, me too. You have no idea how much I want you,” his words send a chill through me and I let out the slightest moan against his lips, causing him to groan and push into me a little harder.

Somehow we manage to make it downstairs and back into his living room. He kicks the door shut behind him as I start unbuckling his belt and pushing back his plaid shirt. His fingers brush up against my breast and my breath catches in my throat; he removes my shirt and tugs on my jeans. A moment later our pants are pooled at our feet, and I’m standing there in my bra and underwear staring at Josh in his boxers and t-shirt. He takes a moment to look at me, and he reverently runs his hands down the sides of my body before picking me up and fusing his lips to mine. I wrap my legs around his waist, letting him carry me through the french doors and into his master bedroom. Josh carefully places me on his bed and from my knees I help him pull off his t-shirt. My eyes immediately fixate on his bare chest and broad shoulders. I’m not surprised his upper body is so well-defined, especially since he carries all that fire gear on his back. I run my hands over him as he unhooks my bra and it falls between the two of us. Josh looks at me with hooded eyes and I swear I’ve never seen a man look at me like this. He’s letting me know how much he wants this and I’ve never been more turned on. I fall back onto his bed and without taking his eyes off of mine, he slowly removes my underwear. It's usually at this point where I feel self conscious, but not with Josh. I want him to see me. He bites his lip as he continues to look at me, but I’m done waiting. I need to feel him, and he knows that. He’s reading my body language and we already just understand each other's needs. I help him pull off his boxers and draw him towards me. Somehow, I have the wherewithal to ask about protection.

“Do you have a condom Josh?” His head gestures towards the nightstand near me.

“In my wallet.”

I grab the condom and remove the foil packet, slowly rolling it over him. His hand joins mine as we push it down together. 

“Are you ready, Donna?” It makes me a little emotional that he asks. No one has ever asked. 

“Yes Josh.” 

For a moment, I’m nervous that it might hurt. I haven’t done this in a long time and he’s bigger than anyone I’ve been with, but he goes slowly and the moment he’s inside me I feel anything but pain. And between the two of us, I’m sure there is no question in the minds of Josh’s neighbors as to what is going on in here.

We’ve gone from friends who kiss to friends who have sex.


	6. A Visit To The Firehouse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when I was about 7 years old, we took a class field trip to the firehouse and I was so excited to slide down the fire pole. So imagine my disappointment when I learned that there was no fire pole and that the firefighters used the stairs. To this day I’ve never had the opportunity to slide down a fire pole, but I made sure Donna got her chance in this chapter, lol :)

It’s Josh’s turn to cook dinner at the firehouse tonight. The chief is paying his Engine Company a visit, and since Josh’s cooking expertise doesn't go any further than weak ass canned chili, I offered to help. It’s my first time visiting the station, which is just south of the National Mall, and I’m looking forward to finally seeing this part of Josh’s life. 

I find a spot within view of the firehouse and make my way over; I immediately see Josh helping some of his team spray down the ladder truck. He’s in his new station wear, which he told me is called his “Class B” uniform, and I absolutely love it. He’s dressed head to toe in navy blue, with the exception of black boots and a black belt. He has his Lieutenant badge on and his DCFD patch is sewn into his shirt on his left arm. He looks spectacularly handsome. 

“Scooter you missed a spot,” Josh directs as he tosses his hose down and walks over to me. I know he can tell how much I love his new uniform, and he gives me his damn bedroom eyes as he greets me with a kiss on the cheek. We have a “no kissing in public except on the cheek” policy. It’s part of the rules we made earlier this month after we slept together for the first time.

“Hi, welcome to Engine Company 14. It’s the finest firehouse in the city,” he grins.

“Good evening, Lieutenant,” I respond a tad bit sultry. If he’s going to stare at me with those eyes, then I’m greeting him in a tone that I know drives him wild. Especially when I add in his rank.

We walk inside and head back to the kitchen. No one is around so I take a moment to remove his navy blue tie and re-tie it for him, just like I did with his old uniform. It’s become a little tradition for us. Plus he hasn’t quite mastered the windsor knot, and I know he wants to look sharp for his chief. I take a second to try and tame his curls, but they absolutely have a mind of their own with this late September humidity. It only takes a moment before Josh leans in and kisses me thoroughly, pulling me flush against his body.

“Hey no kissing in public unless it’s on the cheek,” I remind him as I tug his tie just a little bit.

“Well this isn’t ya know technically a public place, because no one’s around you see, so the rules don’t apply here,” he whispers that last bit and plants another kiss on me. Who am I to argue his logic?

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

The meat is starting to brown nicely and the pasta is cooling in a strainer. I add some paprika and parmesan cheese to the softened butter mix and direct Josh to slather it on the sliced italian bread. Just as he’s sticking it in the oven, I hear a friendly voice enter the kitchen.

“Lieutenant Lyman, it smells good in here,” the woman smiles as she shakes his hand.

“Chief, thanks for stopping by. Donna and I are just about done with dinner. Donna Moss this is DC Fire Chief, Kate Harper. Chief this is Donna Moss, she works in the Communications Department at the White House,” he’s spotting a dimpled grin as he introduces us. I smile at Chief Harper.

“It’s great to meet you Chief Harper. Thanks for keeping our city safe.”

“Great to meet you too Donna. I couldn’t keep this place safe without people like Josh. Is there anything I can do to help with dinner?” I smile at the praise she gives Josh. I can tell she holds him in high esteem.

“We’re almost done in here. Come back in 10 minutes and you’ll be first in line for salad, Spaghetti Bolognese, and garlic bread.” 

“Got it. I’ll make myself look busy and then loiter by the door until the 10 minutes are up,” Chief Harper laughs as she heads out of the kitchen.

“You’re a lifesaver. Thank you for cooking. I can repay you with red velvet frozen yogurt and umm ya know other things,” Josh smirks and I grab the spatula and swat at his butt.

“You’re welcome, but now I have a mission to teach you how to make something besides weak ass canned chili.”

“Please impart your Italian cuisine secrets with me. We didn’t all have Italian mothers who taught us how to cook ya know,” he’s cheeky this evening, so I go for the hard banter.

“Snark, Josh. You’re being snarky. So when you come over tomorrow night, there will be no sex.”

“There’s that Irish sass, and I don’t believe you,” he folds his arms.

“Try me,” we stare at one another for a few moments before he cracks.

“Okay fine, I’m sorry about the snark. Can we please have sex?” 

I grin at him for a moment before responding, “Hmm, we’ll see.” Sometimes I cannot help but tease this man. It goes both ways and I absolutely love how playful our friendship is. 

“Donnnna,” he whines as I open the oven and shuffle the garlic bread around with the tongs.

“Pumpkin Patch, do I need to send you to the movies so you can calm down?” He ignores me and moves on.

“You know those Swedish Fish you left at my place so that you could snack on them at a later time? I’m gonna eat those,” he has the most impish look on his face and I’m fairly certain that there is a good chance that my Swedish Fish will be gone when I visit him tomorrow. But knowing Josh, he would be sweet and refill the candy drawer with more.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

Dinner goes smoothly, and everyone compliments Josh on his cooking, but rag on him at the same time about past meals that included his awful canned chili. There are a few firefighters who playfully suggest that I did all the cooking, but all I really did was instruct Josh and help a little. The credit goes to him; when he wants to learn something new, he puts his mind to it. His team is a great group with a wide range of personalities. Everyone is friendly and welcoming, and it’s entertaining listening to them all give each other a hard time.

We help clean up and then make our way to his office. It’s small and stuffed to the brim with binders, books, and boxes. He has paperwork scattered all over his desk and the whole place really screams Josh, just like his townhouse. The office is a little dark, with just a small desk lamp radiating light. I love the little personal touches of him: a signed Mets baseball in protective hard plastic, framed comics, a photo of him and his grandfather, and his diplomas from Harvard and the National Fire Academy. On his desk ensconced between his light and a few books on fire science is a small framed picture of a young girl. The photo is clearly from a long time ago and I’m sure it holds a special memory for Josh.

Josh is the only Lieutenant for Engine Company 14 so he’s a busy guy and doesn’t get as much downtime as his team. It’s his job to oversee the emergency response of the company, to manage personnel and firehouse resources, to lead training, and supervise the daily operations. No wonder he has paperwork and books littered all over his office. He’s pretty focused on what he’s doing, so I’m content to sit in his visitor chair and catch up on some reading.

About an hour later, Josh taps my shoulder and gives me a big dimpled smile as he asks me to follow him out of his office. We stop at the fire pole and I realize he has taken my request that I have mentioned so often, seriously. I’m about to slide down the fire pole. 

“Okay, now watch me first. I don’t want you to get hurt. These things are a huge liability and we don’t actually use ours anymore. Most companies are requiring their staff to take the stairs now. Much safer.” 

I nod my head in understanding, but I can’t help the huge grin plastered on my face. It’s been a bucket list item for me to slide down a firehouse pole. I watch as Josh gets a good grip with his hands and then crosses his legs. He makes sure his body is tight against the pole before he slides down. He asks me to wait a moment before it’s my turn, and I hear him make a request to someone, but I’m not sure what he said. He gives me the green light and I do exactly what he did and slide down the pole. There’s a few firemen standing there and cheering and one takes my picture. As my feet hit the ground Josh picks me up in a bear hug and tells me that I’m a natural. He lets me slide down the pole again wearing his firefighter helmet and jacket and we get a few pictures together before we head back upstairs to his office.

“What’s that article about?” I ask as I walk over to a framed newspaper clipping from The Washington Post in the corner of Josh’s office. It’s a photo of him, his captain, and a few other firefighters. They all look weary, but relieved. 

“Oh umm that was taken a few years ago. The group home building on 43rd had gone up in flames; someone had left the stove on. We had just made it out and every kid was rescued, all 14. It was a successful mission,” his voice trails off and I know he’s replaying the event in his mind. I put my hand on his back for support and I continue to stare at the photo. Josh is covered in debris and soot and it’s the first time I have seen what he looks like after a search and rescue mission. My chest tightens as I think about what he has to go through. He must sense my unease, because he grabs my hand and squeezes it lightly. 

About a half hour later we’re just about ready to leave Josh’s office as he finishes up his paperwork. I’m looking forward to playing a few rounds of Eight Ball with him and a few of his buddies when out of nowhere the fire alarm bell rings and the atmosphere completely changes. I see Josh transform into purely Lieutenant Lyman as he abruptly drops what he’s doing and jumps out of his desk chair. I feel his hand cup the back of my head as he quickly presses his lips to mine. It was one of the briefest kisses we ever shared, but somehow it may have been the deepest, most passionate. There was a desperation there, as if he was trying to cram a million emotions from his heart into a single moment. He tells me that he will see me tomorrow night as he runs towards the stairs. I hear him directing orders to his team and his voice booms as he commands them to get on the truck. He reprimands them for not being ready to leave the station sooner. I hear the sirens blare and within seconds the commotion of the firehouse comes to a stand still and everything goes quiet. 

“He's coming back . . . he's coming back,” I repeat the words quietly. I say them every time he gets the call. I feel my heart begin to pound as that familiar feeling of terrifying anxiety sets in. I’m so scared all the time that something is going to happen to him.

That’s what happens when you fall in love with someone in search and rescue. 

Yes, I’m in love with him.


	7. When Worlds Collide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah what the heck, why not publish three chapters this week :) 
> 
> Thank you so, so much for all of the comments on the last chapter! They made me smile :)

I’ve been busting my butt all week at the White House so that I can spend all of Saturday with Josh. It’s his birthday and there has been a promise made of cake and birthday sex. I also couldn’t help myself when I saw a cute outfit in a lingerie boutique window a week ago. I’m sure he’ll like his gift. 

I’m settling into what will definitely be another late night at my desk with a dinner consisting of strawberry yogurt and the rest of my salad from lunch. Toby has me compiling research on school vouchers for a position paper. Unfortunately, my ability to concentrate has been trashed by the screaming match in Toby’s office. 

Ginger and Bonnie stop by my desk and mumble a few things about David and Toby needing a mediation meeting or a trip to one of those retreats where you do team building exercises all weekend. The argument is clearly about Congressman Bertram Coles and the comments he made about the President. Toby has been livid all week.

It’s just about eight o’clock, and I’m finally hitting my groove. David has long since slammed the door to Toby’s office and left for the evening, leaving Toby in his office to stew. I hear the rhythmic sound of his spaldeen hitting the wall that adjoins his office to David’s and I know I probably won’t see him for the rest of the evening. If I have any questions, I’ll just pick CJ’s brain. 

“Working hard I see.” I immediately recognize Josh’s voice as I look up and he’s standing in my cubicle in his work uniform. His smile is a sight for sore eyes. 

“Josh, what in God’s name are you doing here!?” Of course I’m shocked to see him at work. 

“Well, a hello would be nice, Donnatella.”

“Hello Josh. What are you doing here? Fire Business?” I ask with a flirty smile. 

He smiles back at me with full dimples, “Fire business. It's all very official. I'm a very powerful man, Donna.”  


“Ahh I see.” I give him a coy smile.

“Mmmhmm.” 

“You broke a rule back there, ya know. You called me Donnatella. Full names are a no-no.”

“Well it’s my birthday, so I’m taking some liberties, Donnatella.”

“Your birthday isn’t until Saturday.” I roll my eyes and swivel in my chair to take a bite of my yogurt. I see Josh’s brow furrow. 

“Is that all you’re having for dinner?”

“No. I had half my salad leftover from lunch.”

“Donna, that’s not enough for dinner.” His voice is soft as he addresses me. Food is a thing for him. It’s sweet that he worries.

“I’m fine Josh.”

“Here,” he hands me his greasy paper bag, which I recognize immediately as Five Guys.

“For all the bickering we do over me eating your food, especially when it’s french fries or a sandwich, you’re openly giving me the rest of your fries?” I eye him a little bit.

“I will never have an issue giving you my french fries or any food for that matter if I think you’re hungry. Eat up buttercup.”

I take the bag from him and silently mouth the word thank you. I smile as I take a bite of a few fries. They are absolutely delicious and just what I need to get through the evening, and I offer Josh a few because it’s just what we do. 

We’re sitting in my cubicle for a few minutes chatting about school vouchers when I see our Deputy Chief of Staff round the corner with Charlie, the President’s new personal aide that Toby hired.

“Oh my God. Josh Lyman,” Amy Gardner pauses for a moment to give him a once over. Immediately I start to feel a little uneasy as I begin to wonder how they know each other. 

“Yeah it’s you, your name tag says so. Wow J, a firefighter, who would have thought?” 

“Hello Amy,” Josh’s response is amicable at best; he doesn’t seem too interested in reminiscing. He is, however, excited to see Charlie.

“Charlie . . . Charlie Young!?” His eyes go wide and a smile crosses his face.

“Lieutenant Josh! How are you?” Charlie’s smile is just as big.

“I’m good. How have you been? Charlie’s mom and I played softball together every year,” Josh shares with me. 

“Yeah and the DCPD always won too,” Charlie rags on Josh.

“Okay that’s not true. Maybe the past few years, sure. Your mom had an excellent windmill pitch. She struck most of our engine company out.” 

“She had quite the pitch. Deanna’s pretty good too.”

“I don’t doubt that. And hey Charlie, if you guys ever need anything, just call me, okay? Day or night.” Josh hands over his business card to Charlie and they share a look of understanding.

“Stop by anytime, Charlie. We have good pastries here in Communications, and sometimes pie.” I certainly don’t want to pry, but it sounds like something’s going on with Charlie’s family, and I want him to know he’s always welcome on this side of the West Wing.

“Thanks Josh, thanks Donna. Well it was good seeing you. Amy’s giving me the tour and I need to be back for a meeting with Mrs. Landingham in ten minutes.”

“See ya Charlie. I mean it, call anytime,” Josh says as we both wave. Before he leaves Amy makes a guess as to why Josh is at the White House.

“J, did a smoke detector go off or something? Seriously, why are you here?” She gives him a questioning look.

“Official fire business. Nothing of concern,” he’s cool when he says it, shutting the conversation down. She takes the hint that he’s not expanding on the topic and walks away with Charlie.

“So, are you still coming over tonight?” Josh leans in and asks. I can feel his breath against my ear, and I try not to think about it. I’m glad he looked around first to see if anyone was near us. He absolutely knows what his husky voice does to me. 

“Planning on it. I should be there by 11:00.” 

“K, I’ll be waiting. How do I get out of here?” 

It’s a good time to take a little break as I show Josh back to the entrance of the building. I feel his hand rest softly on the small of my back as we turn corners. He’s keeping it professional and appropriate for the White House, but I absolutely love that he’s still wanting to show affection. And even though we have an arrangement where we are just friends, it's moments like this that make it feel like we’re much more than that. 

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

“So this official fire business must have been a big deal. Ya know, calling in a Lieutenant on his day off.” I stretch on his bed getting myself comfortable after sitting at a desk all day.

“Well it was.” Josh takes off his shirt and sweatpants as he climbs in next to me. His fingers immediately start to draw small circles on my stomach. He’s warm and it feels nice. His eyes meet mine before he continues, “I was actually there to see Leo McGarry.” I must have a shocked look on my face because he laughs.

“Chief of Staff, Leo McGarry. My boss’s boss?” I confirm.

“The one and the same. He’s an old family friend and we met up for dinner tonight to celebrate my birthday. We do it every year.”

I don’t know much about Leo, but I’ve always liked him and thought he was a good man. This just reaffirms that. The image of these two at dinner bickering about politics and grinning at one another comes to my mind and makes me smile.

“That’s a nice tradition, Josh.” I reach for his fingers that are laying on my bare skin and lace them with mine. 

“Mmmhmm. You should have seen him when he got to the restaurant. ‘Josh really? We had to meet at the one on Delaware, because as you informed me, the cook on Thursday nights at the location not three minutes from the White House doesn’t sufficiently burn burgers.’ He had like six napkins on his suit so that he didn’t stain it. I was kinda the same way though. I had to wear my uniform today because our Union is doing a feature on our Engine Company, so I had my picture taken. I would have been pissed if I had to take my shirt and tie to get dry cleaned because of a ketchup stain,” he chuckles and his comment makes me laugh too.

“Wow, you sounded just like Leo there. I didn’t think he even knew what a Five Guys was.”

“Don’t let him fool you. He loves the place.” 

“How do you know Amy Gardner?” My voice is quiet as I ask a question I’m not really sure I want the answer to. The way that Amy interacted with Josh and the fact that Josh and I are just friends makes this situation confusing and I’m feeling a little insecure. The Deputy Chief of Staff just showed some real interest in him, and I’m just an assistant. I can’t help but wonder if they had an arrangement at some point in the past.

“Oh yeah, Amy. She dated my Harvard roommate. I can tell she doesn’t make Leo’s job easy and it’s already hard enough. I mean his marriage ended because of the job. I’m surprised she’s at the White House still, because she clearly wants to push her own agenda. So selfish.” His voice is flat and I can tell he’s upset about how she makes Leo’s life more difficult. I’m momentarily upset with myself for having wondered if they had a past, and for feeling insecure and jealous. I really have no right to be. After all, we’re just friends, and I remind myself of that daily, even though I’m in love with him.

“And Charlie . . .” his words pull me from my thoughts. “Charlie’s mother died in the line of duty five months ago and he’s taking care of his sister Deanna until she finishes high school. He’s a great kid. They both are.” 

My chest constricts when I hear Charlie’s story. On top of it being incredibly sad, it’s also another reminder of how quickly I could lose Josh. The thought makes me sick and I close my eyes and take a deep breath in an effort to regroup. Now isn’t the time to be thinking about it. 

“I have an idea.” Josh’s voice is quiet as he kisses my neck. He’s sucking lightly at my skin with the perfect balance of what feels good but won’t leave a mark. This man knows my body. “Let’s relieve you of that work stress . . .” He takes his toy fire truck and starts to slowly move it over my body. He’s feeling playful.

“I gotta find the fire, Donna. Where is it?” His voice is seductive as he moves the truck over my chest and down my stomach. His little toy is cold and leaves small goosebumps on my skin, and it’s quite the contrast from his warm fingers. When it becomes too much I pull him on top of me.

He knows exactly where the fire is.


	8. It’s Never Too Late

I can’t sleep. The damn smoke detector has been going off again for a solid 30 minutes. I even tried to change the batteries, like Josh had shown me, and that didn’t work. The combination of my work week and the screeching alarm has given me a massive, throbbing headache. I stuffed my head under a pillow in a desperate attempt to try and hide from the sound, but no such luck. I’m tempted to just go back to work and continue doing research on the commerce bill that Toby and David need for their meeting with Congressmen Willis, Skinner, and Gladman.

I really don’t want to bother Josh at work with this. He’s had a rough past few shifts dealing with some protocol paperwork and a major fire that put a few firefighters in the hospital with third degree burns and fractures. He’s been tense all week. I weigh all of that against his request to call any time if I’m having issues with my smoke detector; I can’t believe that was almost three months ago. Since safety is a major concern of his, I go ahead and pick up my cell phone and press speed dial.

“Engine Company 14, this is Lieutenant Josh Lyman.” His voice is sharp and I can tell he’s busy and doesn’t want to be bothered with a phone call.

“Hi,” I say cheerfully. Maybe it will brighten his mood.

“Hi.” His voice is still sharp. I guess I didn’t brighten his demeanor. The realization of that stings a bit. Less than a second passes and he’s realized why I’ve called.

“Oh it’s your smoke detector again, isn’t it? You’re okay, right? It’s just the alarm?” I can hear the worry in his voice.

“It’s just the alarm. And no, I’m not okay. That damn thing is driving me nuts and I have a killer headache. I’m at my wits end Josh! I even changed the batteries and it’s still going off! I swear I’m going to unplug the damn thing!” My voice is raised, and it’s only then that I realize how tired I am and how much my head really does hurt. Before I have a chance to apologize for my tone, he tells me in no uncertain terms to keep the thing plugged in. 

“Donna I will be there in ten minutes.” I hear him gather his keys before he hangs up without saying so much as a goodbye. 

Not ten minutes later he’s at my door. The look on his face says it all, he’s pissed off. I don’t even have a chance to say hello before he’s admonishing me.

“For the love of God- Donna keep that thing plugged in! What if something happened to you?!” 

“Mmm then maybe a big, burly fireman would come and rescue me in the middle of the night.” I bat my lashes at him, hoping that some playful banter will pull him out of his funk. I swear his face turns red and the vein in his neck starts to pulsate. 

“Is this a joke to you?! Donna! What if- what if . . .” He runs his hand roughly through his hair, working himself up. “God!” 

I stand there for a moment in disbelief. I clearly read the situation wrong and I realize now that I shouldn’t have tried to banter with him or threaten to remove the smoke detector. He’s pretty upset and I made it worse. He can’t even find the words as he takes his tools and the new smoke detector out of his backpack. I want to apologize, but I think it might be too soon. I wait there as Josh silently installs the new alarm, and the buzzing finally disappears. He immediately grabs his backpack and heads for the door. I get a quick glimpse of his face and I realize that there’s something bothering him, and I’m pretty sure it isn’t about my smoke detector.

“Josh, what’s going on?” I ask softly as he places his hand on the door handle.

“Nothing. I think your smoke detector was defective. The spare from the station won’t cause you any issues.” 

He leaves without saying another word and I’m left standing in my living room, confused. I’m really not sure what just happened.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

I can’t sleep. Now that the buzzing is gone, I’m left with my thoughts and they’re all centered around Josh. I feel terrible for upsetting him and I want to apologize, but I think he needs some space from me. This hasn’t happened before in our relationship, or friendship, whatever we call it, so I’m not sure how to navigate this. Space just seems like what he needs, so I’m not going to call tomorrow, no matter how much I want to talk to him. Maybe I will call the day after tomorrow just to make sure he’s okay.  


I end up spending the next day mostly in bed taking intermittent naps. I do manage to shower and change into some sweatpants, but all I can really do is think about Josh and how badly things ended last night. I keep looking at the phone, but I remind myself that he probably wants space.

Around seven o’clock I’m surprised when I hear the doorbell. I peek outside and immediately feel a weight lift off my shoulders. It’s Josh.

“Hi. May I please come in?” His voice is sheepish and he looks like he hasn’t gotten much sleep either.

“Of course you can come in Josh.” 

“I brought a peace offering, Donna.” He holds up a paper bag and I’m guessing from the smell that it’s from my favorite Chinese takeout. It’s only then I realize how hungry I am. I haven’t eaten all day.

“Josh, you don’t need to call it a peace offering. I shouldn’t have threatened to unplug the smoke detector, and I shouldn’t have made jokes when you came over. I’m sorry.”

“What? Donna, no. You don’t need to apologize. I should be apologizing to you. I wasn’t very kind last night and my anger was misdirected at you. I know you were just trying to lighten the mood, and I also know you weren’t feeling great and the smoke detector was driving you crazy. If I wasn’t feeling well, I would probably threaten to unplug the damn thing too.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Josh.” My voice is soft as I put my hand on his wrist and guide him to the love seat.

“But I do need to explain my behavior last night.” He looks at me so earnestly, and his soulful brown eyes look weary. He’s been carrying a burden, and I’m really just starting to see how heavy it is. He’s quiet for a moment, and I can tell he’s trying to figure out where to start.

“When I was eight years old, my parents left me and my sister at home while they went to a fundraiser. I wanted popcorn and asked Joanie to make it for me . . . The popcorn machine caught on fire and Joanie tried to put it out. I was scared so I ran outside . . . without her. Joanie died the next morning from smoke inhalation.” He takes a deep breath and I see a tear threatening to spill over from his left eye.

“Donna, the smoke detector didn’t go off in the kitchen.” His admission hits me in the chest, and in that moment, everything clicks. I can’t help but put my hand to my mouth as I try to control my breathing. That tear in Josh’s eye finally spills over and I wipe it away with my thumb before I grab his hand and squeeze it.

“I’m so sorry about Joanie.” My voice is barely a whisper as I try and choke out the words. I think about that photo on his desk and I realize it’s his sister . . . His constant reminder of why he continues to do what he does.

“Thanks Donna. So now you understand why I’m obsessed with smoke detectors. Being a firefighter isn’t what I wanted to do . . . It’s what I HAD to do.” He stresses the phrase and it’s then that I realize that he has been overwhelmed with guilt almost his whole life. I’m a little frustrated with myself for not checking in on him this morning. Josh is not a guy who wants to be left alone. I love him and he’s my friend. Next time, I will do better.

“If this never happened, if I never lost Joanie, then I would have gone to law school and I would be working right at Leo’s side. But it’s my fault she died so I didn’t deserve to do what I wanted to do. Every time I save someone, I feel like I’ve done some good in the world, but it will never be enough to repair the damage I’ve caused, because I wanted a stupid bowl of popcorn. It’s my fault my parents were stricken with grief.”

“Oh Josh . . . It wasn’t your fault, it was the defective smoke detector.”

“But I ran away.”

“You were a little boy Josh. You did what you were supposed to do.”

“It doesn’t feel that way.”

“I know . . . Come here Josh.” I pull him close to me and I feel his weight around my body. This is what he needs right now- a friend. I don’t think Josh has been taken care of in a very long time. He lets me hold him for a few minutes before he shifts and his eyes meet mine. I see his eyes glistening and I know he sees that mine are doing the same. I’m going to let him take the lead here, whatever he needs. I feel his hands cup my face as he leans in and gently kisses my lips. 

“Thank you for being here for me, Donna.”

“I will always be here for you, Josh. Thank you for sharing your story with me.”

“I’m so tired.” His voice reflects all the exhaustion he is feeling and I don’t blame him, especially after an emotional purge. We decide to put our takeout in the fridge and I take his hand and lead him to my bedroom.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

Around midnight I hear Josh stirring and I wake up to find him standing near my bed, shirtless with a pair of comfy grey sweats that he keeps here, chugging a glass of water. His hair is sticking up in 30 different directions, and he looks so much better than he did earlier this evening. His body needed sleep.

“Want to eat dinner in bed?” He grins.

“As long as you don’t spill.” 

“No promises.” He laughs as he makes his way back to the bed and gives me a deep kiss on the lips. I agree with the idea of eating in bed and I move the covers back and pad out of the bedroom in one of Josh’s faded DCFD shirts. He makes a remark about my panties as he follows me to the kitchen, and I can tell he’s really feeling like himself again. I tell him that his comment will cost him two bites of broccoli, which he immediately disagrees with.

We’re having an easy conversation in the kitchen and as he’s going on about String Theory, I think about how he should be working with Leo and changing the world, making it better. The White House needs people like Josh and he deserves to be doing what he wants with his life. 

It’s never too late.


	9. Celebration

I’m enjoying the afternoon at the firehouse with Josh on a brisk Saturday in mid November. He usually ends up working one Saturday a month and we’ve gotten in the habit of having me tag along. Usually when he’s doing paperwork, I’ll sit in his visitor chair and read, but we usually end up talking most of the time. When he’s not knee deep in paperwork over policies and personnel, he’ll read one of his books on fire science in his vast collection. When he’s at home reading, his book choice is almost always related to politics and government. Josh gets a lot of reading done and I’m always amazed at how quickly he can finish a book and his ability to retain information is impressive. 

Today we have the task of washing the Class A Fire Engine, it’s the one with the water pump. Josh, as always, is the ever patient teacher. He shows me the proper way to wash and while doing so tells me all the details of this particular fire engine. It’s used mainly for structure fires and the hose sprays 1000 gallons of water per minute. He explains the difference between a fire truck and a fire engine; I never knew there was a difference. And when he tells me how often he’s had to climb to the top of the 105 foot ladder to get into a burning building, I try not to show how scared that makes me feel by bantering with him as a form of misdirection. 

We haven’t been washing the truck for even half an hour when my phone chirps with Toby’s ringtone. Josh knows the sound by now too and immediately understands when I quickly walk away and take the call in a private area. It’s a quick conversation. Toby tells me to drop whatever it is that I’m doing and to get to the White House. He reiterates how quickly I need to get there by telling me that he doesn’t care if I’m in my pajamas or a Halloween costume. I make my way out of the firehouse after telling Josh that something urgent has come up at work. He squeezes my hand and tells me to do good in there.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

I put my bag down on my desk as Ginger and Bonnie immediately hurry over. We’ve all been given the same instructions from Toby and we all notice that David’s office is empty. 

“Ladies follow me, please.” Toby’s words are brusque and we all fall in line behind him as he leads us to the Oval office. It’s always a treat to have a meeting in the Oval, I don’t generally get to spend a lot of time there. 

“Have a seat ladies.” We all take a place on the couch as we wait for more instructions from Toby, but he says nothing. He must be waiting for Leo, and not 10 seconds later, Leo makes his way into the room with Margaret.

“He should be here any moment.” Toby’s response to Leo is a simple nod as he continues to stand there in silence. Leo smiles at the three of us on the couch and thanks us for coming into work on such short notice.

“Everyone here?” President Bartlet asks happily as he walks into the Oval from the outside corridor. He’s dressed casually in jeans and his Notre Dame sweatshirt and it’s nice to see him relaxed. It’s certainly a far cry from the way my boss is feeling right now. Without hesitation, Ginger, Bonnie, and I stand up.

“Oh go ahead and sit ladies,” he tells us as he leans against the Resolute desk with his hands in his pockets. We thank him and do as he says. 

“How are we today, Sir?” Leo asks. It’s at that moment I notice that Leo is dressed in a suit and it makes me wonder how much time he really does spend here.

“Oh fine other than being short a Communications Director.” The room falls silent and I’m pretty sure that Bonnie, Ginger, and I have the same shocked expression.

“That is a problem.” Leo grins.

“But we have a solution, don’t we Toby?” The President takes a moment to give Toby a solid pat on the back.

“Yes Sir, we do.” 

“Ladies the reason I asked Toby to call you in today is because from this point forward, Toby will be the new White House Communications Director. I see now that not hiring him in the first place was a mistake. David offered his resignation and plans to live happily ever after in the private sector.” The President chuckles at that last bit. I’ve always appreciated his sense of humor.

“So what does this mean for you three?” Leo poses his question as he looks at Toby.

“So Ginger, you will be the assistant to the new Deputy Communications Director. And despite scoffing at the salary, Mandy Hampton has accepted the position. Bonnie, your job will remain the same for the most part. You’re still the Assistant to the Communications Director. I do things differently than David, so ask Donna if you have questions. Speaking of which, Donna Moss . . . congratulations, you are now the Special Assistant to the Communications Director.” Toby’s voice is flat, but I see a small smile quirk in the corner of his mouth. My eyes widen. I had no idea I would even be considered for a promotion.

“You will no longer answer phones or handle my schedule, that’s all Bonnie. You will be comprising more research for me and working more closely with the speech writing staff. Basically what you have been doing, just a lot more of it. Right now, your main focus will be making sure everything goes smoothly with the Mendoza confirmation. I don’t want any hiccups. We need this win.”

I’m so happy I could hug Toby, but I remember to remain calm and collected. I thank him for the opportunity.

We make our way out of the Oval, and as Leo walks by he points at my shirt and a huge grin is plastered on his face. “Is that guy making you wash the fire engine?” I blush, completely forgetting that I had on a DCFD shirt that I pilfered from Josh’s locker before we went to work on cleaning the engine and truck.

“Sometimes, but he buys us pizza after so it’s worth it.” I can’t help the goofy smile on my face. Leo is the first person I’ve talked to about Josh and it feels nice.

“He’s a good kid. Have a nice afternoon, Donna. And congratulations again. Toby finds you valuable, I know you’ll do great.” He walks away leaving me stunned. 

Toby finds me valuable. 

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

I’m walking back to the station and I still can’t believe I got promoted. I’ve been wanting to do more, and now I get the opportunity. The first person I want to tell is Josh, but I pause a moment and sit on a bench to think about that. Will I be rubbing salt into a wound? Will it make him upset? It was just a few weeks ago that he shared with me how much he wants to work in the political arena with Leo, and here I am about to tell him that I’m advancing my career in the field he desperately wants to be a part of.

On the other hand, he’s going to find out anyway. He tries his best to stay ‘in the know’ and once he learns that David Rosen has resigned, he will have questions, and I will feel bad for not having shared my news with him. I debate both options and decide to tell him.

I make it to the station and Josh is just finishing up with the fire engine. He’s walking towards me, soaking wet and I can’t help but admonish him for walking outside in the cold. He puts his hand on the small of my back as we make our way inside.

“Well?” He asks excitedly. He knows me well enough now and can tell that I have something I want to share.

“I got promoted.” I can’t help but smile. I really am excited, and I hope he’s excited for me.

“Promoted?” He asks for confirmation with a smile as his eyebrows dart up. 

“Mmmhmm. David Rosen quit, and Toby was promoted to his rightful position, and decided to promote me to Special Assistant to the Communications Director.” Josh looks at me for a moment before his smile turns into a big dimpled grin. He walks over and wraps his arms around me and picks me up.

“Congratulations Donna! I’m so happy for you and you deserve this! They better know how lucky they are to have you. Oh we gotta celebrate tomorrow after my shift!” He continues to smile as he gently puts me back on the ground. I cannot even believe that I thought for one second that he would be upset. That’s not the kind of person Josh is. He kisses me energetically and I respond in kind. 

“I’m taking you to Filomena’s for dinner tomorrow and we can order all of the chocolate mousse they have in stock. Then we can go home and have celebration sex,” he whispers huskily as he takes a moment to nip at my earlobe.

“Celebration sex?” my tone is amorous as he makes his way down to my neck.

“Mmmhmm. EXCELLENT celebration sex.” 

“Well how can I say no to excessive chocolate mousse and excellent celebration sex?” I kiss him thoroughly, my fingers finding his wet curls at the nape of his neck. He stops suddenly, and leans his forehead against mine, his hands lightly rubbing my back.

“I’m so proud of you, Donnatella,” he whispers my name reverently before he kisses me again. 

Neither of us care to mention that he broke the rule of calling me by my full name.

I’m beginning to think I don’t want rules anymore.


	10. Gingerbread Cookies and Latkes

I've been telling Josh how much I want to learn how to ski. There's plenty of snow in Madison right now, so I could take a lesson or two when I go home for Christmas. He reminded me that I need all the gear and snow pants, and that chairlifts are scary. Anytime Josh naysays my ski dreams, I pout at him, knowing he has no defense for it. It's the same way he knows I have no defense against his dimples. It's just what we do.

We're having a holiday night together with a mix of Christmas and Hanukkah. I bought gingerbread men and a bunch of candies and frosting for us to decorate with. I pulled out all my ornaments for my little tree, and now I just need to get my hands on a good latke recipe and a crash course on Hanukkah traditions. I know exactly who to ask.

"Good morning Toby. I brought you coffee . . . and pie." He stops abruptly and looks at me skeptically.

"Pie?"

"Yes, pie. Chocolate cream pie." I swivel my chair away so he can see that I do in fact have a pie on my desk.

"Hmmm." He scratches his beard in contemplation.

"It's a real pie, Toby."

"I like pie."

"I know."

"Why did you get me pie?"

"Because I need a recipe for latkes and the spark notes version of Hanukkah fun and games." I smile at him as I hold my breath, hoping he agrees to help me out here. He smiles back and looks at me like he just figured out some big secret that a Republican Senator has been keeping. He walks slowly over to my desk and makes sure no one else is around before he speaks quietly.

"Why would my gentile assistant be celebrating Hanukkah this year? Does it have something to do with that picture?" Toby points to the photo on my desk of Josh and I at the firehouse. I keep it in eyesight if I were sitting at my desk, but hidden enough in between some binders and books so that other people can't see it. I thought I was being clever, I guess I was wrong. Besides talking to Leo that one time a few weeks ago, I haven't mentioned my relationship with Josh to anyone else. Although I'm sure Charlie knows and Amy might have some idea, given that they saw him at my desk a couple of months ago.

I'm sure my family will grill me about my personal life at Christmas dinner, but I want to keep what Josh and I have private, especially since I don't know how to define us and the line becomes blurrier by the day. Toby must see the mixture of surprise and shock on my face, because he gives me a quick smile and tells me that my secret is safe with him and that he will have the information I need for a fun Hanukkah by the end of the day.

I move the framed photo of Josh and I into the top drawer of my desk, out of anyone's sight other than mine.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

My apartment smells like garland, gingerbread cookies, and potatoes. It's delicious and I love it on so many levels. Josh has been busying himself with the tree lights making sure that there are no broken bulbs or tree needles wedged in empty light sockets. "Christmas trees are quite the fire hazard, Donna," he told me when he began his tree inspection. Knowing that this is a busy time of year for Josh has me on edge. I don't want anything to happen to him.

"Okay, the tree looks good. I give it a ten out of ten for fire safety," Josh announces as he walks over to the kitchen and sneaks a finger into the cookie frosting.

"Those are for the cookies." I push his hand away lightly as I playfully admonish him.

"It's Christmas, Donna. It's the season of giving and you can give me some frosting." He makes his argument as he leans in and kisses me thoroughly. I completely stop focusing on the latkes to enjoy this moment with him. I thread my fingers through his hair as he pulls me closer.

"So a lot of times needles make their way into empty light bulbs on trees and when the lights are on and the electric energy is running through them, it can cause the needles to catch on fire," Josh explains to me as he runs his hands over my body. His voice is so sincere during this teachable moment, and I know he's communicating how much he worries about fire safety.

"Please don't keep any broken lights, Miss Moss." He gives me a quick peck, sealing his request. I cup his face and kiss him back, promising to dispose of any broken lights if I should ever come across any.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

I'm lounging on the loveseat with my leg draped over Josh and he's rubbing my foot. Overall, it was a successful combination of Christmas and Hanukkah. We're both stuffed from latkes, cookies, and Hanukkah gelt. We've played a few rounds of dreidel, watched Frosty the Snowman, and Josh put on his kippah, lit the menorah, and recited the Hanukkah blessings he has known since childhood. I was mesmerized by his voice; the love I have for this man is overwhelming in the best possible way.

"Gift time!" Josh tells me as he drags me off the loveseat and over to the Christmas tree. He picks up a neatly wrapped gift in gold foil and hands it to me. I open it slowly and can't help but laugh when I see the book in front of me.

"Heimlich Beckengruber on The Art and Artistry of Alpine Skiing."

"MmmHmm. It's got a molted calf cover and original drab boards. Something to keep you busy on the plane to Wisconsin . . . and ya know you can think of me when you miss me." Josh winks and bounces on the balls of his feet. It really was a very thoughtful gift, and I hope he didn't spend too much on it because my gift to him is nowhere near as fancy as a rare book.

"I wrote something inside . . ." He adds as he takes a seat on the arm of my loveseat. I open the book and see his small, neat capital letters adorning the inside cover.

DONNATELLA,

I KNOW I JUST BROKE A RULE BY CALLING YOU THAT, BUT IT'S A BEAUTIFUL NAME AND I LIKE TO SAY IT. KNOWING YOU THESE PAST FEW MONTHS HAS BEEN THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY YEAR AND THERE IS NO ONE I WOULD RATHER BE SPENDING THE HOLIDAYS WITH. I KNOW YOU DESPERATELY WANT TO SKI WHEN YOU GO TO DAIRYLAND, BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DONNA MOSS DON'T YOU DARE GO SKIING AND HURT YOURSELF. YOU ARE MUCH TOO VALUABLE TO ME.

MERRY CHRISTMAS,

JOSH XOXO

His words find their way right to my heart. He finds me valuable.

"Oh Donna, don't do that, don't get emotional." Josh is blushing a little.

"It was very sweet what you wrote, Josh. Thank you for my gift." I can barely manage to choke out my words; he's standing up and gathering me in his arms, enveloping me in his warmth and holding me tight.

"You're welcome. I meant it,"he whispers as he continues to hold me close.

"Your turn!" I announce as I guide him over to the Menorah. I hand him his gift bag decorated in blue and silver.

"I got you two things. Sorry I couldn't decide."

"Donna you broke our holiday gift giving rule!" He chides me in jest as he begins to remove the tissue paper.

"Oh nice, a new Mets hat. I love it!" He gives me a dimpled smile as he removes his Kippah to try on his hat. It fits perfectly and he bends the brim slightly to his liking. "Thank you Donna."

"You're welcome. Looks good." I pay special attention to the curls poking out the sides. He really does look great in a hat.

"What is this? A stuffed animal bunny rabbit?" He's pulled out his second gift, which is in fact a very long and floppy stuffed animal bunny. He has a look of both amusement and curiosity on his face.

"It's a lavender bunny, Josh. You mentioned that you've been having trouble winding down and falling asleep after your shift, so this little guy will help you. Just heat up the lavender pack and stuff it in his tummy and drape it over you." His face has shifted from amusement and curiosity to appreciation and reverence.

"This is very thoughtful, Donna. Thank you." His words are soft as he walks over to me and gently kisses my lips. His hand drops the bunny and finds its way to the small of my back.

"You're welcome, Josh. Happy Hanukkah," I whisper as I part my lips for him. He kisses me for a moment more before he responds.

"Merry Christmas, Donna." His lips travel down to my neck and he begins to nip the sensitive skin just above my collar bone. He's barely started touching me and my body is already responding. My hands find their way under his sweater and undershirt, and I graze my nails lightly over his chest. I hear him let out a deep sigh and I know immediately that he wants to have sex just as much as I do.

"Do we have any leftover frosting from those cookies?" He turns me around and presses my back to him. His hands find their way to the front of my jeans and he's just starting to unzip them as he continues to talk to me. "I think we need to add frosting to our list of rules. Frosting is a must . . ." His voice is heady as he pushes his hand down and plays with the soft cotton for a moment before finding his way inside my underwear. I let out a sudden gasp and push my body back against his, urging him on.

"So frosting, Donna? It was amazing . . ."

I can barely focus on his words with what he's doing. We've spent the last four months together and Josh absolutely knows what I like. He's incredible in bed and very giving. He knows when to be gentle and when not to be. I'm not at all embarrassed when I scream in pleasure from what he does to me and it's certainly an ego boost when he does the same.

"Uh-huh. Frosting. It's in the fridge." I have no idea what his plan is for the frosting, but I'm game.

He carefully removes his hand and I whimper a little, causing him to grin. I have a feeling that tonight involves a lot of teasing. I watch him closely as he pulls the frosting from the fridge and walks back to me, immediately picking me up and heading towards my bedroom. I start to gently bite his earlobe, causing a deep groan to come from Josh.

Everything about tonight has been perfect.


	11. House Guest

It's been an entire week since I've seen Josh. Seven long days. Between my trip home to Madison for Christmas and his mother arriving, there was just no room for hanging out. Or, as Josh would like to call it: our "Reunion Celebration". He likes to name things, it's pretty cute actually.

I was surprised that he called me on Christmas Eve. What I thought would be a short phone call ended up being an hour. Good thing my cell provider allows for free nights, weekends, and holidays after seven. Hearing his voice was the best part of my day. I had only been gone for 48 hours and I already missed Josh terribly. He called and said he wanted a full report on "The Art and Ancestry of Alpine Skiing" and to make sure I didn't actually go skiing and hurt myself . . . Typical Josh. He's sweet and I love that about him. He keeps his tenderness guarded and I feel lucky to be a recipient of it.

Even though I miss him, I've been plenty busy at work since I returned. Toby has me taking the reins on research so that he and Mandy can draft the State of the Union Address, and with that comes meetings that run late into the evening with both Legislative Affairs and the Communications Department. Next time Josh and I order dinner, I think I'm going to need a break from Chinese food and pizza.

The thought of food pushes me to reach for my leftover salad from lunch. If I have to sit in another economics meeting, I'm at least going in with a full stomach so that I can take a break from takeout. My pants will thank me tomorrow. I shovel in a few bites and continue working when I hear a familiar voice.

"Slow down and ya know actually chew your food." I swivel around and I'm face to face with Josh who's grin is matching my own.

"Josh!"

"Donna!" He mimics me but embraces me in a bear hug. I'm instantly hit with a scent that is so distinctively Josh and I take a moment to just breathe him in. God I missed this man. He pulls back and holds my hands in his and I'm pretty sure we are staring at each other like we haven't seen one another for years. It makes my heart thump a little faster knowing that he missed me the way I missed him.

"Hand holding is a no-no, Josh," I grin as I remind him of our rules.

"Well this is our reunion, Donna. We put all rules aside," he smirks and I see both of his dimples pop out.

"Fair point, but I thought our reunion was this Saturday? Your mom's here, right?"

"Ahh yes, Mama Lyman is here. She's in the building in fact, getting the 50-cent tour from Leo." He's bouncing on the balls of his feet with his hands shoved in his pockets and I'm trying desperately to figure out what he has planned. Josh has a terrible poker face.

"And you didn't want the 50-cent tour?" I eye him suspiciously.

"Nope. I wanted to come visit the Communications Department for ya know, communications business."

"Ahh, I see."

"Mmmhmm. And I was thinking that maybe you could come over tonight?" He moves closer to whisper in my ear, "I've missed you Donna. I can't wait until Saturday." He steps back and it takes everything in me not to jump him right here in the bullpen, but I remember that right now I'm a professional in the workplace, and not a woman in love standing in her apartment ready to have sex with her hot firefighter friend.

"Okay that sounds tempting Josh, but your mom's here."

"She won't know. She goes to bed at like 10 o'clock and you're here until when? Like 11:00? Here, I even brought you my spare key. Just come on over when you're done. I know you're exhausted and would probably love a bath, and I know how much you like my big soaking tub. I can even have it ready for you, bubbles and all. Maybe some wine? I will make sure it's white wine. You can say no, I don't want to pressure you Donna, but I really have missed you." His words are my undoing and he's put so much thought into this. He's not pressuring me and I don't want to say no. I smile and take his spare key, even though key sharing is a no-no on the list of rules. But I don't care.

"Okay I'll come over."

"Yeah?!"

"Yeah of course."

"Ahh-kay Donna."

We're standing there grinning at one another for a good five seconds when CJ comes walking over. "Donna when you're done can you meet me in my office? I have a few questions about the research you found on the economic trends over the past five years."

"Sure, of course. Oh umm CJ, this is Josh. He's the Lieutenant Firefighter over at Engine Company 14. Josh, this is CJ Cregg our Press Secretary." They shake hands and smile with a friendly greeting before CJ heads back to her office.

"Okay. Well, it looks like I need to chat with CJ."

"You're an important woman Donna doing important things. Go write a State of the Union Address."

"Well, I'm not writing it. Just helping with research."

"Don't sell yourself short, Donna. What you're doing is important."

"Thanks Josh," his words make me suddenly blush. He really does believe in me.

"You're welcome, Donna, and I mean it. Now while you're doing big things, I'm going to go to dinner with your Chief of Staff and my mother."

"Are you going to make Leo eat burnt burgers again?"

"I wish. It's my mom's choice, since we are celebrating her birthday, so we're going to The Dabney."

"Ahh nice. So you're going to ruin what could be a delicious meal by having your steak burnt?" I can't help but poke a little fun at him.

"It's the only way to eat a steak, Donna."

"No, no it isn't."

"Says you."

"Says most people."

"Well then most people would be wrong."

I can't help but roll my eyes slowly at him. This could go on for hours and burnt meat is just an argument I'm never going to win with Josh. "I'm going to my meeting now." I gently pat his arm as I walk past him.

"Bye Donna. And remember, the era of big government is over."

"Oh, When did this happen?"

"This morning, we had a meeting, ya know me and big government."

"I'm pretty sure you were in bed this morning and then your mom probably did something nice like make you pancakes."

"Close. Waffles."

"Bye Josh." I laugh at his response as I head towards CJ's office. Once I get there she tells me in no uncertain terms to shut the door to her office. I'm all of a sudden struck with a wave of panic. I've barely started this new job. Have I done something wrong?

"Okay spill."

"Spill?" She rolls her eyes at my confusion.

"Yes spill. Tell me about firefighter Josh. I have nothing going on in my life so I need to live vicariously through yours." I think about that for a moment. I could have sworn that maybe CJ and Toby had something going on, but I guess I was wrong.

"We're just friends," I shrug.

"Ha! You are not. You can't even look me in the eye right now. I'm the Press Secretary for the White House, Donna Moss. You can't get anything past me."

"CJ, I swear, we are just friends."

"Yeah okay. Well, friends don't look at each other like that. I've seen that look, that's the way . . ." She pauses for a moment before collecting her thoughts. "That's the way Danny Concannon looks at me!"

I think she almost said Toby, but I'm not going to call her out on that.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

It's one in the morning and I'm sitting on Josh's bed buttoning up my shirt. He's propped up on his elbow rubbing soft circles on my back and all I want to do is fall back into bed with him and stay the night. I just don't want to intrude on his time with his mother, even if they are just having a quick breakfast before he goes to work in the morning. That's their time and they don't see one another very often from the sound of things.

"That was nice, way up there on the niceness scale," Josh whispers as he continues to rub my back.

"Mmm it was," I tell him as I lean back and plant a chaste kiss on his lips. It had been very nice indeed. Seven days is the longest stretch we have gone without sex so we were both more than ready to fall all over each other. The whole keeping quiet thing was tough and I think we were louder than we intended to be. Josh was generous and attentive and just thinking about it makes me want to turn around and jump him.

I make my way into the kitchen as quietly as possible, and Josh is right behind me in nothing but a pair of boxers with fire trucks on them. I feel his hands roaming my stomach and I can't help but come to an immediate stop as he runs his hands under my shirt.

"Josh I'm never going to leave if you keep doing that." I lean against him as he continues his exploration.

"Shhh. Just stay here. The last thing I want you to do is leave right now. We can be quiet . . . discreet," he tells me as he starts to kiss my neck. It all feels incredible.

"Josh we are not good at being quiet," I remind him as I let him continue.

"I think we did okay a few minutes ago."

"You have to work early."

"That's never been a problem before." He turns me around so I'm facing him. I see those dimples and all of a sudden putting up a fight becomes so much more difficult, and now his tongue is halfway down my throat and I am a very willing participant for a few moments before I remind him that I really should go so that he can spend time with his mom in the morning. I'm trying my best to do the right thing here and it's really hard when Josh is kissing me without abandon in nothing but his boxers. I'm so tempted to just tug the waistband down and have my way with him right here on the floor.

"Joshua? Are you going to introduce me to your friend?" A voice from the kitchen pulls me from my thoughts and we both turn our gaze to Josh's mom who has been standing in the kitchen in a robe drinking a glass of water this whole time. I want to crawl under a rock. We definitely woke her up with our activities . . . We weren't nearly as quiet as Josh thinks we were. Speaking of Josh, he of course is too stunned to say anything as he stares at his mother blankly. Her patience draws thin.

"Well, I see I've rendered my dear son speechless so I will introduce myself. I'm Clara Lyman, Josh's mother, but please call me CeCe, all my friends do." She beams at me and I can tell she's enjoying her son's mortification. I smile back and introduce myself, "Nice to meet you CeCe, I'm Donna Moss. Happy birthday!" I try to keep my voice even, but this has got to be the most embarrassing moment of my life.

"Oh why thank you Donna, you're sweet to say that. It's lovely to meet you dear, and Joshua's right, just stay. We can enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning. Josh put some pants on. Good night," CeCe waves as she heads back to the guest room.

"Night," we say in tandem. It's the only word that we seem to be able to form at the moment.

Once CeCe's door closes Josh turns to me and grins and in one quick swoop he throws me over his shoulder and I can't help it when I let out a yelp. He playfully rubs my backside as he walks us back to his room. Clearly he has plans for us.

I'm glad I stayed.


	12. First Date

Josh and I have our first date tonight. Yes we have been out numerous times, but according to our rules, "going out" is not considered a "date". But tonight, tonight is different; I'm Josh's date for the annual DC Police and Fire Benevolent Foundation Fundraiser.

Of course I needed a dress for the fundraiser. I typically wear the same black dress I bought off the rack for any formal event, but once I told CJ about the fundraiser, she grilled me on what I was planning to wear. Apparently my black dress wasn't good enough, because I found myself shopping in CJ's closet a few nights back with a glass of Riesling. The woman could open her own boutique with her wardrobe and I'm one hundred percent jealous of how good she looks in everything. No wonder Toby stares. I went with her Marc Jacobs off the shoulder red, slinky floor length dress with a thigh-slit. I don't think I wear it as well as CJ, but she approved and said that this is the dress. We agreed that my cubic zirconia matching necklace and stud earrings would match perfectly, and the beige dress sandals in the back of my closet hardly ever get used, so they're coming out tonight.

I'm standing in my bathroom putting the finishing touches on my hair. I've curled it and twisted it into an updo at the base of my neck. I've mastered this look and it's the only way I've done my hair for every formal event I've been to since I started working at the White House. I really want to look nice for Josh tonight. I'm doing my best not to get my hopes up, but him directly asking me out on a date has me wondering if he's starting to feel differently about his no dating policy.

I didn't think I could possibly love Josh anymore than I already do, but having breakfast and coffee with his mom a few weeks ago made me fall even more in love with him. We spent a few hours together while Josh was at work, and hearing stories about him through his mother's eyes made my heart swell. I loved getting to know CeCe and we even exchanged phone numbers.

My stomach did this weird fluttery thing when she told me what Josh was doing that morning for work. I thought he had gone to the station, but CeCe surprised me when she said he was volunteering at Westwood Elementary. Apparently he volunteers every few months to teach kids the importance of fire safety. I suddenly had this image of Josh and a little girl, the perfect mix of the two of us, and she's helping him wash a fire truck while wearing a little firefighter's jacket with the name "Lyman" on the back, just like Josh wears. I haven't stopped thinking about that image.

The conversation segued into CeCe giving me a very pointed look as she expressed her desire for grandchildren . . . LOTS of them. I tried not to blush when she said Josh and I have plenty of time to give her grandchildren and I certainly didn't want to explain our arrangement, so I just smiled and told her I would love to have kids, someday.

I'm putting the finishing touches on my mascara when the doorbell rings, it sounds like my date is here.

"Lieutenant," I keep my tone cool, despite the fact that I'm having difficulty keeping myself from ogling Josh. He's in his Class A uniform, the formal firefighter dress wear, and I just wasn't prepared for it. He steps inside and toes off his shoes and the minute the door closes, his hands find my hips as he looks me up and down and gives a low whistle.

"Wow. This is . . . you look . . . wow," he tells me. I'm glad that I'm having the same effect on him.

"Thanks. I figured I should dress for the occasion." I place my hands on his lapels and begin to adjust his tie.

"Do you look this good at all your formal White House events?" His voice is husky as he leans in and kisses me. I part my lips for him and feel his hands wander over my backside and I can't help the small moan that escapes me. Josh's lips find my earlobe as he continues, "Because if you do, I don't think I could focus on anything else if I was there . . ."

My hands move to his face as I pull him in for a kiss. I immediately feel his tongue against mine and I'm pretty sure I know where this is going and I think Josh does too. I'm going to have to fix my hair and makeup, but it's worth it. I feel him guide us back towards my kitchen and he lifts me up onto the counter top. His hands immediately begin roaming down my legs and he stops only for a second to remove his white gloves and toss them aside. I take the moment to remove his bell-toe cap so that I can run my hands through his wild hair. I lose focus for an instant as I feel his hands slide under my dress and up my legs. I'm making fast work of unbuttoning his dress coat when I feel his fingers hook into the small scrap of lace that barely qualifies as underwear.

"Mmm we're going to be late, Josh . . . I'm never late for anything," I tell him but make no move to stop what I'm doing.

"It's fine. Dinner doesn't start until 7:30, so as long as we are in our seats by then, we are not considered late."

"So just fashionably late?"

"Mmmhmm. That's correct," Josh smiles at me then melds his lips to mine. I feel him begin to pull down my lace panties, so I help by lifting myself off the countertop. He tosses the garment to the side and works my dress up over my legs.

"Slinky material, easy to move out of the way." I see him bite his lip and he blinks at me a few times before he's thrusting his tongue into my mouth and cupping my breasts through the soft fabric of my dress. His thumbs rub over my nipples, making them quickly come to hard peaks. Somehow, I'm still able to focus on unbuckling his belt and gracelessly shoving his pants and boxers down. I feel Josh's fingers run along me, causing me to throw my head back as his name rolls off my tongue breathlessly. He's checking to make sure I'm ready, he always checks first, and if I'm not, he waits until my body is ready for his. He knows exactly what to do, and right now, it's clear that I'm ready for him. He grabs my hips and pulls me forward, pushing inside me in one deep stroke. I can't help it when I scream his name. Sex with Josh feels incredible.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

Josh has been waiting outside in his Saab while I finish getting ready. It's cold out, and he insisted on running the car so that the heated seats would warm up. I appreciate his thoughtfulness, my dress is on the thinner side and even with my coat I know I will feel a chill.

He loves his car. It was his dad's and I think it makes him feel close to Noah. Josh may be disheveled and unorganized in his office and townhouse, but his car is immaculate. He sees me step outside and immediately hops out of the car and opens the passenger side door and grins. I can't help but return the gesture. I'm grateful for the heated seats and squeal in delight. My legs were all ready getting chilly outside in the frigid January air. Josh grins at me again as he reaches behind his seat and reveals a bouquet of red, yellow, and white roses. It completely takes me by surprise.

"This is very sweet of you Josh. Thank you." I lean over and give him a quick peck on the lips. The flowers are beautiful, and I can't believe he bought them for me. Flowers are a first.

"Well, I had to get flowers for my date," he explains as he's still grinning. "This is our first date, Donna, and it starts right now. You are my date this evening and therefore no rules apply. So there will be kissing on the lips and hand holding in public, and I will call you Donnatella."

"Okay, Joshua." I know my smile is probably the size of Texas right now, but I can't help it. There are no rules. Even if it is just for tonight, I will enjoy every moment of being Josh Lyman's date.

"So the rubber chicken probably won't be great. In fact I can guarantee it will be terrible. But don't worry, I will buy you a strawberry shake when we're done schmoozing with the Mayor and we've danced to every overplayed slow song in the book. Ya ready?" He gives me his eyebrow waggle and smiles. I nod and smile back.

"Ready, Pumpkin Patch."

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

The valet drives off slowly and Josh offers me his arm as we make our way to the Rotunda Galleries at the National Archives Museum. It appears that many guests are now just arriving; I guess we weren't the only ones planning to be fashionably late. This is actually one of the few places I haven't visited yet since moving to DC. I try and get to a monument or museum at least once or twice a month.

We check out coats and I take a moment to take in the galleries. The high vaulted ceilings and marble floors are stunning. It's a lively event with police officers and firefighters mingling about and dancing. Everyone seems to be having a good time. It's nice to be at an event where I don't have to work and I can really just enjoy the evening.

"So, you know that we are just steps away from the Charters of Freedom," Josh tells me as he takes my hand in his. He's beaming, he knows I haven't been here and that this would be the first time I see the Declaration of Independence, The Bill of Rights, and the Constitution in person.

"I want to see them, and the Faulkner Murals," I squeeze his hand in anticipation. I really do get excited about this kind of thing.

"And you shall." He gives me a quick peck on the lips before we head to our table.

We're seated with Chief Harper and her husband, along with the Captain and his wife from Josh's Engine Company. There are a few speeches during dinner about the foundation and how it came about and the goal of raising money for families of fallen officers and firefighters. I immediately think of Charlie and his sister, I hope they are getting enough support.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

I'm in awe as we walk back from the Charters of Freedom. I'm just finishing up telling Josh that the Declaration had been exposed to sunlight for 35 years when a familiar voice says hello to Josh. We turn around and are face to face with the DC Mayor. I'm not sure his office and the White House will ever find a happy medium with school vouchers, but who knows what the future holds.

"Lieutenant Lyman, good to see you." the Mayor extends his hand to Josh and they share a brisk handshake.

"You too sir. Mr. Mayor, this is Donnatella Moss." I smile and shake his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Donnatella," he smiles at me and he's absolutely charismatic. He fits the role of a Mayor perfectly.

"You too sir."

"So what's this I hear from Lonnie about you being a little vocal at the Union meetings, Josh?" Ah, clearly we have switched gears from pleasantries. He addresses Josh with his cool tone and the charismatic man I just met seems to disappear. This is a common trait among many politicians, I've noticed. All business and cut to the chase.

"Of course he's vocal. Someone has to be." Chief Harper steps in from nowhere and clamps a hand on Josh's shoulder in support.

"Well you being a hard ass with your local Union representatives doesn't do you or the DCFD any favors, Josh."

"With all do respect sir, DC firefighters deserve a higher salary for what they do, and quite frankly the union just isn't fighting hard enough for them."

"Tone it down, Josh." The Mayor's voice is a warning tone. I've heard Leo use it with Amy and David more times than I can count.

"He's the DCFD's Bulldog, Mr. Mayor. He's absolutely right to fight for what he believes in, and he has my complete support."

I'm hearing the Mayor and Chief Harper go back and forth, but I'm looking at Josh. He's standing there, keeping his cards close. He's waiting for the right moment to strike, and he does about 45 seconds later.

"Mr. Mayor with all due respect, you are out of touch. You have no idea how much the DCFD and the DCPD sacrifice. A higher salary is the LEAST of our concerns and if you had been listening to me all these months: every time I showed up at your office, emailed, or called, you would absolutely know that survivor benefits for families of deceased individuals is what we need. Do you have any idea how much these families suffer? On top of their grief, they are strapped financially and lack resources for their emotional wellbeing. This is the thanks they get, a visit to their home by their dead spouse's Chief and Captain?!" Josh is talking with his hands now, and he is making his points very well known. He certainly is a Bulldog and fights for what he believes in, and I absolutely love it.

He pauses for a moment before he continues, "And don't even get me started on the unfathomable amount of PTSD and Survivors Guilt that floats around a firehouse or precinct. My Engine Company saves lives and it's an honor to do that, but what the hell is gonna happen when my team is so emotionally traumatized that they can't do their job correctly, Mr. Mayor? Saving lives comes at a cost. Everything comes at a cost. If they don't get the services they need, then who is going to save them? Now I know you're the only Mayor in America whose budget is controlled by Congress, but I will be damned if we don't at least try and work together to make something happen. Otherwise, I'm going to City Council, petitioning a bill, getting my signatures, and putting both of these issues to a vote." His voice is much louder now and my God he sounds just like Leo.

"Fine Josh. You've made your point. DeeDee will be in touch to set up an appointment with you and Chief Harper. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a wife who is waiting patiently for a dance." He walks off rather quickly, and I can't help but notice the smirk on Josh and Chief Harper's faces. I wonder if Josh realizes that he's ready. He's got what it takes to be a major player in the Democratic party one day. This is what Josh wants to do and he should be doing it.

"Nice job Bulldog," Chief Harper chuckles as she walks away.

"Donna, I'm so sick of the Mayor's office I could vomit. I certainly wasn't going to tell him you work at the White House. He would have grilled you on school vouchers all night." He takes a swig of his drink before placing it on a table and gently putting his hand on the small of my back. "Let's dance."

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

"So, thanks for coming with me tonight, and ya know, being my date," Josh says as he finds a spot right outside my apartment. I take another sip of my strawberry shake and smile at him.

"Thanks for bringing me. I had fun."

"Me too. Maybe we could have some more fun upstairs . . ." His words drift off as I feel his lips press small, open mouthed kisses on my bare shoulder.

"Mmm what did you have in mind?" I'm teasing, I know what he has in mind, but that doesn't mean I can't have a little fun.

"Sex, Donnatella. More than once too . . ." His lips move to my neck as he pushes my coat down to continue his exploration.

"I don't have sex on first dates, Joshua." I feel his body completely freeze and I'm trying hard not to laugh.

He pauses for a moment as he thinks of a comeback, "Well, let me escort you to your apartment door. Then the date is over. Ten minutes later, I knock on your door for a booty call?" He waggles his eyebrows at me, he's proud of his idea.

"Mmm no, I don't think so. I'm gonna be too tired from my date."

"Donnnna!?" I burst out laughing at his shocked expression. He can't really think I'm serious.

"Come on Bulldog, let's go upstairs. Maybe you can seduce me afterall."


	13. Breaking Rules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I didn't update last week! Here's the latest chapter, I hope you enjoy it! Have a great weekend :)
> 
> Also- Yay for Josh and Donna finally going on their first "official date" in this story! It seems like they had a lovely evening together :)

The sudden knocking on my door immediately wakes me up, but I haven't been sleeping too well tonight to begin with. I can't stop thinking about what happened to Lowell Lydell. And even though the President has signed a new hate crimes bill, it still doesn't change the fact that a teenage boy was killed this week for being gay. The world can be a cruel place.

As my eyes adjust to the bright red numbers on the alarm clock, I see that it's barely past midnight. The only person who could be knocking at my door this late is Josh, but he's on his 24 hour shift at the station. Maybe it's Toby? Is there something happening at the White House?

My heart skips a beat when I look through the spy hole and see Josh. He's staring down at his shoes, which he's scuffing against the hardwood. Josh only does that when something is on his mind, so I decide not to joke with him about our "No booty calls after midnight" rule. I open the door for him and when he looks up I'm immediately concerned by his ghost white face and his red, irritated eyes. There was a fire tonight, his bloodshot eyes are always the give away.

"Josh." My voice is nothing more than a whisper as I gently pull him inside. He doesn't answer me, instead he hangs his head to look at his feet as he toes off his shoes. I hear him quietly sniffle and I take a deep breath as he looks at me. I see fresh tears well in his eyes that slowly trickle over and begin to run down his cheeks. I've known Josh for almost six months, and I've only ever seen tears fall down his face from uncontrollable laughter, but not tonight. Josh Lyman is quietly crying in front of me. My heart breaks as I pull him close and hold on tight, wishing I could transfer some of his pain to me to ease his burden. He's clinging to me as he burrows his face into the crook of my neck, his quiet cry turns to a quiet sob as I feel his tears soak through my shirt. I'm not sure how much time passes as we stand there holding onto one another, but I don't care. I will stand here as long as Josh needs me to.

He's starting to hyperventilate and I feel his body convulse as an uncontrollable sob erupts from him. I rub wide, soothing circles on his back. "It's okay Josh, take a deep breath," I whisper. I feel his head nod in agreement as he begins to slowly inhale and exhale, each breath becoming more and more controlled. After a few minutes, his breathing returns to normal and he removes himself from our embrace to cup my cheeks with his hands, his thumbs moving in slow circles as he looks at me. All I can see in his eyes is his pain, fear, and above all: guilt. I want to break down and cry with him, but I don't. I need to keep it together for Josh.

"The bell went off tonight for a three alarm fire, so by the time we got there it was already out of control. We needed another pumper from Station 9 just to try and manage the flames. It was a duplex home and one side was vacant, luckily. But the other side . . ." His words catch in his throat as he bites his lip and looks up for a moment, trying to maintain his composure. I take his hands in mine and gently squeeze his fingers, letting him know that I am here for him. I'm not going anywhere.

"The other side had a family of five and everyone was home, asleep in their beds. The rescue squad . . . We . . . We went in through a second floor window, but we were only able to save four people before the building started to collapse. It was my watch Donna, I'm the Lieutenant and I'm in charge of the emergency response. I lost someone. Tonight was my fault."

"Oh Josh, I'm sorry." My voice chokes on my words as I pull his body flush against mine, holding him the way he needs to be held. I know Josh, and there is nothing, nothing I can say that will make him feel any less guilt or pain. No words can fix the way he's feeling. This is his repressed, private pain that stems back to the night his house caught on fire when he was a little boy. Neither one of us move.

"I feel like I let Joanie down tonight," he finds his words several minutes later. His omission stabs me in the chest. I take a quiet, deep breath, trying like hell to keep my own emotions in check.

"I want you to know that you have every right to feel the way you feel Josh, but I think your sister would be proud of you for all the lives you have saved over the years."

"It's the ones I lost that keep me awake at night, Donna."

"I know. Let me take care of you tonight, Josh." I run my hands through his wet hair. It was probably close to frozen when he got here with the temperature outside barely reaching 30 degrees.

"I don't want you to get sick." He doesn't say anything, but he takes my hand and lets me lead him to my bathroom.

Josh is emotionally and physically exhausted, and he's barely able to stand up straight. I encourage him to lean against the sink with his hands as I quickly draw a hot bath and add some lavender oil to the water. While it's running, I turn to Josh and begin to undress him. The only thing I ask him to do is lift his arms so that I can get his sweatshirt and tank top off. I can already see a bruise forming on his left shoulder and it looks like something might have fallen on him; I shudder at the thought. I press my lips softly to his injury before running into the kitchen for an ice pack. He needs a hot bath, but that shoulder needs ice to control the swelling.

Josh still hasn't moved from where I left him leaning against the sink. I place the ice pack on his shoulder and we stand there quietly for a few minutes before I turn the water off in the tub. I take his hand and slowly walk him over to it, but one look at his eyes and it's clear to me that he's not going to be able to stay awake much longer. Somehow, he still has the energy to put his hands on my waist and lean his forehead against mine. "Will you please join me, Donnatella?" His voice is scratchy as he whispers. He definitely needs water.

"Of course Joshua." I place a gentle kiss to his lips as I begin to remove my t-shirt. Josh helps me lift it over my head, pausing to give me a kiss on my forehead before we push down my flannel pajama pants together. I feel his body press against mine as our arms reach for each other. Neither of us is trying to initiate sex. We are just trying to give each other comfort.

I make another trip to the kitchen and grab a glass of water for Josh. He still hasn't gotten in the tub yet, I know he's waiting for me and it's sweet, but I really don't want him to catch a chill with his wet hair. He chugs the water and carefully gets in the bath, then reaches for my hand. I tell him to scoot forward so that I can sit behind him, allowing his body to relax against mine and so that I can apply the ice to his shoulder. He sighs as he leans back against me, and I feel some of the tension from his body disappear.

I take the empty water cup and immediately fill it with the bath water. Gently, I tilt Josh's head back and pour it over his hair, watching the curls unwind as the water cascades over his locks. He's just about asleep as I softly massage his scalp with lavender shampoo and then conditioner. I feel his body slightly sway back and forth; he's physically relaxed for the first time tonight. He leans forward as I lather up the loofa, carefully moving it over his body. The water is cooling, so I reach around Josh and run the hot water for a few minutes, whisking it around so that the whole tub re-heats. I tilt Josh against my chest and rest my hands on his stomach. We stay like that, absorbing all of the heat and lavender that we're ensconced in.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

"Josh," I gently whisper in his ear. He fell asleep about 15 minutes ago and now the water is starting to get cold.

"Hmmm?" He swipes at his eyes and rubs his head for a moment before he turns around and gives me a sleepy half smile. Without instruction, he climbs out of the tub and offers his hand to help me out. I wrap us each in a towel, and begin to towel dry his hair. I don't want to take any chances of him getting cold, so I quickly blow dry his hair on high heat. The result is a very fluffy haired Josh.

We get dressed for bed in a comfortable silence and I hand Josh an Advil for his shoulder. He's half asleep by this point, but he manages to swallow the pill and climb into bed. He softly kisses my lips a few times, silently saying good night before I turn the bedside light off and curl up against him, resting my hand on his stomach. We're both asleep within seconds.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

I wake up to the beginning embers of the sun seeping in through the curtains, but it isn't the light that woke me up, it's Josh. I feel his fingers trail along my stomach, the muscles tightening in response. He's pressing cool, open mouth kisses to my neck. My body responds with a soft sigh of contentment.

"Thank you for taking care of me last night, Donnatella." His voice is quiet and relaxed. I turn in his arms to look into his eyes. There are no signs of pain or guilt, it's something else I see. My chest tightens and my heart speeds up. I respond to his words by pressing my lips to his. Our kiss immediately deepens, pausing only for a moment to help each other remove our shirts and for Josh to cup my face and look into my eyes. He sees me completely and he knows exactly how I feel about him. I'm not hiding it and neither is Josh. We're exposing ourselves to one another in a way we never have before.

Josh and I have been having sex for months, but we didn't this morning. Nothing about what we just shared was sex. We broke a lot of rules. For the first time, I cried out his full name. And when he found his release, he cried out mine. Hearing him say Donnatella affected me in ways I can't describe. We were vulnerable and said things that had gone unspoken. And we broke the biggest rule of all, the one that has always been implied but never spoken of:

We made love for the first time this morning.


	14. What Hurts The Most

Josh is coming home tonight. He's been at fire training for the past four days. He goes every year with the captains and lieutenants from the other engine companies, and from what he told me, it sounds like a healthy mix of classroom learning and group exercises. He wasn't thrilled about the group exercises; Josh is not a fan of being out in the cold for long periods of time. Funny, a firefighter hating the cold, that doesn't surprise me.

There's no communication with the outside world and there's no pizza. That, and the group activities outside, are his biggest complaints. So before he left, I made him a basket of blueberry muffins and chocolate chip cookies. It's not pizza, but it appeals to his sweet tooth. My one condition was that he share his snacks with his fellow firefighters. After a long kiss goodbye, which really turned into more of a hot make out session on my loveseat, Josh let me know that he would call when he got home Thursday night and gave me one last deep kiss before heading out the door. It made my lips tingle; I really felt that kiss all over.

I miss Josh. Even when I was in Wisconsin for Christmas, we were still able to talk. Since we started spending time together on a regular basis, we've never gone more than two days without talking, until now. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I've listened to a saved voicemail from him more than a few times over the past few days. I can't help it, I miss the sound of his voice. I'm head over heels in love with this man.

Even though I miss Josh, the White House has certainly kept me busy. It's helped the time go by. A few days ago, CJ needed emergency root canal surgery. Toby was in with the President and Leo, and Mandy was with the speech writers, so somehow, it was determined that I should be the one to handle the press briefing that afternoon. I was a nervous wreck, but I started off with an ice breaker by asking the Press Corps to go easy on me because I'm new at this. Somehow, their laughter took the edge off and put me at ease. Danny Concannon hit me with a question about the resurgence of inflation, and I let him know that I would look into it, which I'm sure he expected me to say, but better to be honest than to misspeak. The rest of the time I was tasked with drafting a response in case the Roberto Mendoza incident in Connecticut broke. Luckily it didn't.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

He didn't call. That's never happened before. When Josh says he's going to call, he calls. I'm sitting here at my desk, trying not to think about it. I stayed up most of the night worried that something had happened to him. I turned on the news, and thankfully there was no mention of a coach bus accident. I thought he might have fallen asleep, but given the hours he works, that seemed unlikely. Something's off. I can feel it.

I try not to think about it and focus on my work, but of course, I find myself flipping my cell phone open every ten minutes to see if I missed a call from him. I don't know why I'm checking, the ringer is on, but somewhere in the panic filled part of my brain I'm telling myself that maybe there's something wrong with my phone and that the ringer is busted. Around 11, I nervously hit his speed dial, but it goes right to voicemail. This does nothing to quell my anxiety. I finally tell myself that he's fine and that maybe he just needs some space after a long few days. He isn't hurt. He's at home, he's fine. After repeating this a few times to myself, I shove my cell phone into my desk drawer and return to typing my notes for the trip to LA that's coming up. I try to go about my afternoon as if everything is okay, even though I have no appetite and I'm having trouble concentrating.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

It's around seven o'clock when I finally get home from the White House and I still haven't heard from Josh. I tried calling right before I left work, but again it went right to voicemail. I thought about stopping by his place on my way home, but I didn't want to seem overbearing. As I walked home, I decided that if I didn't hear from him by tomorrow night, that I would stop by after work.

The first thing I do is shed my work clothes and change into some comfy flannel pajamas and an oversized hoodie. Even though it is warm in my apartment, I feel cold and I can't stop shaking. I know it's anxiety. Trudging into the kitchen in my slippers, I put together a small salad. I still don't have an appetite, but I know I need to eat something. I take a few bites, but I spend a good fifteen minutes just moving the greens around in my bowl. I wrap my arms around myself and take a deep breath, trying to relieve myself of anxiety. I just have a bad feeling.

I turn the tv on and wrap a blanket around myself, and just as I'm settling into my couch, I hear a knock at the door. My heart skips a beat as I look through the spy hole, it's Josh. He looks exhausted and he clearly has something on his mind. I really want to tell him about stepping in for the press briefing, and I want to hear about the class he was teaching during his fire training, but I have a feeling he's not here to talk about those things.

"Hi," I say shyly.

"Hi," he replies, but he's not looking at me. He has his hands in his pockets and he's staring at his feet. It doesn't go unnoticed by me that he isn't toeing off his shoes. Josh isn't planning to stay long. I feel my heartbeat quicken in response to the anxiety building inside me.

He still hasn't said anything and he hasn't looked at me. We've been standing in silence for probably no longer than 10 seconds, but the silence speaks volumes.

"I'm sorry I didn't call last night."

"It's okay, but I was worried." I don't want to make him feel guilty, but I do want him to know how I felt.

"I'm sorry I worried you. It was insensitive of me to leave you in the dark."

"I accept your apology," my words are barely a whisper. I feel the prickle in the back of my throat and the heaviness in my chest. I'm trying to keep my composure. I'm trying desperately to keep my tears from falling as I prepare myself for what's coming:

Josh Lyman is about to end our relationship.

"I had a lot of time to think over these past few days," Josh begins to tell me, but he still isn't looking at me. He's having trouble finding his words. I gently lift his chin with my fingers so I can see his eyes. He pauses for a moment as his eyes search mine. Again, I can see how tired he looks, and I can see that his eyes are wet.

"Please look at me while we have this conversation Josh," I plead with him as I remove my hand from his chin. I immediately fold my arms around myself for comfort. I feel a tear slip from my eye, and I just don't have it in me to brush it away. I'm afraid that if I move my arms that I will fall to pieces.

He blinks a few times and finally finds his words and they are barely a whisper. "I'm in too deep Donna. I can't do this anymore." The weight of his words hit me. But why now? Everything was fine when he left and it feels like this is coming out of nowhere. I can't help but wonder what the hell happened at that fire training to make him feel so differently. I thought we were moving in the right direction, but I misread the situation. He was up front with me from the very beginning and I let myself fall for him.

"Is this because I stayed that one night and got to know your mom? Did I overstep?" My words are shaky as I search my mind for moments that could have scared him away. I can't help it as more tears begin to fall.

"Donna... God. No. That's not why. I love that you got to meet my mom."

"Then why Josh? Why?! What happened? What did I do?" I just don't understand how everything was fine one moment and then all of a sudden it wasn't anymore.

"You didn't do anything Donna." I can see the pain in his eyes. This isn't easy for him.

"A few weeks ago when you came over after that awful fire and stayed the night . . . The next morning we . . . We didn't just have sex Josh. Was that too much? Is that why-"

"No. Absolutely not." He shakes his head vehemently before continuing, "Donna, what we shared that morning, that was amazing. It wasn't too much. Please believe me when I say that."

"Kay," my voice is timid as I respond. Now I'm the one looking away from him. I'm losing my composure and I just need a moment to look away from Josh. I'm not sure how much time ticks by when I hear him say my name.

"Donna?"

But I don't have words right now. My voice is gone. I feel myself choking up.

"Donna please, please look at me?" His words are a plea and somehow my body is able to respond to him and I find myself looking into his eyes again. I see his tears and I want to wipe them away with the pad of my thumb, but I can't bring myself to move my arms as they continue to wrap around my body for support.

"I love you Josh." I need him to know how I feel. I can't let this end without him knowing.

"I can't. I can't say it back Donna. I want to, but I can't." His voice catches in his throat. I feel my body shake and I try desperately to calm down by gently rocking for a moment. I give Josh time to talk. I just don't have the words right now to respond. All my body appears to be capable of is shedding more tears.

"I had a whole day on trauma and grief counseling while I was away, Donna. And my harsh reality hit me as I reminded myself that I don't get to have a wife and a family. Not in this job. Like I told you, there is a good chance I won't come out of a fire, and I refuse to abandon you and our children, Donnatella. This is my job, I have to do this, because this is how I honor Joanie, and how I atone for her death. So that means we can't be together. I should never have let it get this far with us. I mean damnit, Donna." His voice takes a hard turn as he says that last bit and he pauses for a moment before he continues, "Donna you know my biggest fear is having a family and leaving them behind! And we've been having a LOT of sex WITHOUT a condom!"

I'm stunned that he brought this up. We had an open and honest conversation about protection. I thought we were on the same page.

"Josh we talked about protection and we were both okay with relying on just the birth control pill. If you felt differently, why didn't you say something? We could have gone back to using two forms of birth control."

"God, Donna, no. I'm sorry I didn't mean to imply that you forced me into anything. I'm just thinking about all the what if's."

"Well I'm not pregnant Josh. So don't worry about it."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for raising my voice just then and I'm sorry that I let our relationship go this long. That wasn't fair to you. You deserve someone better than me, who doesn't have baggage, who can give you a life and a family."

"Well I'm sorry Josh if I feel differently, because I sure as hell don't regret spending the last six months with the man I'm in love with." Somehow, I find the last bit of energy I have to command a little confidence in my voice.

"Oh Donna, God I'm really awful at this. What I said came out wrong. Of course I don't regret spending the past six months with you. It was the best six months of my life. I just meant that it wasn't fair to you, ya know spending time with me, a damaged guy who can't offer you a future, when you could have been with someone else."

He doesn't get it. He's the love of my life. How could I ever be with someone else? Josh had my heart from the moment he first pressed his lips against mine. "When are you going to realize that this is your life Josh? When are you going to realize it's okay to have the life that you want? You want to go to law school so go! You can have your dream career in politics! You have honored your sister, she would be so proud of you. It's okay to hang up your uniform and stop fighting fires. It's okay to let go of your guilt. It's time to." At some point during my outpour, I had started to quietly cry. I had felt the hot tears burn my eyes as they continuously streamed down my face while I begged Josh to see that this is his life. He looks pained as we stand here in silence. I can see the tears falling down his face and the deep rise and fall of his chest. But on his end, there isn't anything left to say.

"I'm sorry. It's over, Donna. Please don't try to follow me out this door, because I don't think I could keep myself from kissing you and we would be right back where we started. That's not fair to either one of us," he tells me softly and then leans in and kisses my cheek for the last time. I feel the deep ache in my chest as he pulls away.

"Good bye, Donnatella," he whispers the words and then quietly closes the door. And just like that he's gone, and I can't help the sob that escapes me as I remove my arms from around my body and slide down the front door to the ground. This hurts so much and I can't control it. I feel my stomach heave as I continue to sob loudly. My heart just shattered into a million pieces, and I can't breathe. I never knew how painful true heartbreak was until this moment. I have no control over my body and I feel myself start to hyperventilate. I don't know how to make it stop. I let myself fall over as I lay in the fetal position on the floor, hoping it will help me calm down.

I don't know how much time has passed, but I finally get enough strength to control my sobs as they turn into silent tears. My breathing eventually evens out and it's then that I'm vaguely aware of the footsteps that walk away from my apartment. I'm certain Josh has been standing on the other side of my door the whole time.

And then it hits me. Josh Lyman just walked out of my life forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh! This was so, so incredibly painful for me to write. It took me over a month to get into the right headspace for it. But it's gonna be okay! Josh just really needs to get to a place where he truly believes that he can let go of his guilt over Joanie's death.
> 
> Heartbreak is the wakeup call he needs to make some big changes in his life. Josh Lyman just doesn't realize it yet.


	15. A Million Pieces

And then it hits me. Josh Lyman just walked out of my life forever …

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

I don't know how long I had been laying there before I fell asleep, but I woke up on the cold hardwood in front of my apartment door. I can't even say I fell asleep, I think my body just gave up, no longer wanting to fight the exhaustion that accompanies heartbreak and relentless sobbing. I can already feel more tears falling as I shut my eyes. I don't have the energy to move. I'm devastated beyond words and all I can do is curl back into the fetal position.

The sun is barely starting to rise and I know I need to get ready for work. For a moment I think about taking a sick day, but the thought of spending more time in my apartment is unbearable. I pry my aching body off the floor and run a hot shower to soothe my muscles and joints.

I trudge through my work day on auto-pilot, spending my lunch hour crying in my car. It's quiet on a Saturday, so I don't have to talk to anyone. I just don't think I could put on a fake smile and carry on a conversation. Toby asks if I can work tomorrow, and I'm grateful that I can stay away from my apartment. Eventually I go home, only to repeat the agony from the night before as I fall to the ground again, hyperventilating and crying myself to sleep. My body felt an overwhelming need to release the emotions that I kept pent up all day.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

It's been two weeks. Two weeks since I last saw Josh. My heart shattered into a million pieces that night and it's been aching ever since. Joshua Lyman will always have my heart so I don't think I will ever be able to pick up the pieces.

I never knew that this kind of pain could consume my entire body, to the point where I can't breathe. And when my body is exhausted from the heavy sobs and my heaving chest, I just lay there and feel the hot tears stream down my cheeks until my body finally gives in to the fatigue and I fall asleep. I never knew I could cry so many tears.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

It's been four weeks and I'm still not sleeping well. I can't bring myself to sleep in my bed or even on my loveseat. I've been crying myself to sleep curled up in my recliner with the tv on. Most nights, I see Josh in my dreams. It is the best and worst feeling at the same time and waking up is always a harsh reminder of my reality. He isn't here. He's gone, completely gone from my life.

But in a way, it doesn't feel like Josh is gone, because his memory is all over my apartment. The wine stain on the living room floor is a constant reminder of the time we were getting busy on the loveseat and one of us knocked over a glass with our foot, which caused an eruption of laughter. Our movie snacks share a kitchen drawer with the coffee, and every morning when I brew a cup, I let the memories of us raiding the candy wash over me. "Red Vines are better than Twizzlers," Josh would declare over and over as he lightly bopped my nose with one before biting off a chunk. And of course, the smoke detector, my biggest reminder of Josh.

I breathe into the pillow that I took from my bedroom and let myself feel comforted by the little bit of Josh's scent that still lingers. I'm trying to hold onto whatever part of him I can. I've been wearing his sweatpants and DCFD shirt to bed a lot of nights, just to feel close to him, to try and fill the huge hole in my life just a little bit. But Josh's scent is fading from my pillow, and in a few days it will be completely gone and my strongest link to him will be broken. It breaks my heart even more just thinking about it. I feel a fresh wave of tears start to fall as I shut my eyes.

There's nothing left to do but cry myself to sleep.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

It's been six weeks and I'm starting to think that maybe I shouldn't renew my lease this July. Maybe it would be easier on me to be in a new place, but the thought of leaving my apartment and the memories of Josh is overwhelming. I start to feel that familiar pain in my chest, the one that's the precursor to my tears and my cries. I take a deep breath in and I feel it catch in my throat. My body shudders in response so I wrap my arms around myself for support. I take a few more shaky breaths and feel a few tears fall. It's no use trying to fight it, so I turn the light off next to my recliner and remove my sweatshirt before snuggling into my oversized fleece blanket and laying my head down. Josh's scent is now completely gone from my pillow, but that doesn't stop me from taking a deep breath into it, hoping that there is still a little bit of him left on the soft fabric. I still have that heartbreaking chill that floods my body, but I know by now that after a few minutes of being wrapped in my blanket, it will go away.

As usual, I wake up much earlier than I need to. I just can't get a good night of sleep. My face is splotchy and red, and my hair is a complete mess from tossing and turning. I'm starting to think the bags under my eyes are now permanent. I've become used to my new morning look and longer makeup routine.

I head to the kitchen and grab a yogurt from the fridge and sit down to call Toby, per his request. We're days away from hopefully confirming Justice Mendoza to the Supreme Court, so I'm assuming he wants to go over a few things before we actually get our day started. I flip open my cell to make the call and as always, my heart lurches in my chest when I see Josh's name on the speed dial. I've been avoiding taking his name off of it, but it's just too painful to see, so I finally decide I need to do it. I feel my hands shake as I remove his name from the list . . . and from my contacts completely. But it doesn't matter, I know his number by heart. I always will.

But removing Josh's name was just one more reminder that we really are over and the heaviness of that hits me. I need a few minutes to collect my thoughts and get my emotions in check before I call Toby. I try to eat my yogurt, but I still have no appetite. I've lost ten pounds in the last six weeks and it's beginning to show. My shirts are starting to slightly hang off my shoulders and I need to wear a belt. It's just part of the break up diet I guess.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

Work has been my only distraction during the last six weeks. I've really thrown myself into my job, sometimes working 12 to 14 hour days. I'm so caught up on everything, that unfortunately Toby hasn't needed me to work the last two Saturdays. That just means more time at home with a broken heart.

I'm sure people have noticed that something is going on with me, but luckily no one has asked. I try and just smile, give the appearance that everything is fine, and that seems to work with most people. I'm fairly certain Toby and CJ know, but they respect my privacy enough not to ask about it. CJ shows me in her own way that she's there to listen, whether it's with a peppermint mocha and a little sticky note or just dropping by my cubicle to get me to laugh. I'm sure I will talk to her about it one day when I'm ready. There's also a strong possibility that Leo knows. I'm sure he's talked to Josh at some point, and if not Josh, certainly his mom.

My career has started to take an interesting turn. That is actually the one thing I can smile about right now. Apparently, CJ, Toby, and Leo were impressed with my work when I handled the press briefing in CJ's absence. I've actually done multiple press briefings since and I have really started to find my confidence up there. I've been swinging between Toby and CJ as far as work goes, and although I envisioned myself transitioning into a full time member of the Speechwriting staff, I'm starting to think that maybe Deputy Press Secretary could be in my future a few years down the road if I work hard towards that goal.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

It's around 7:45 and I'm just finishing up for the day when I look up and see Leo walking towards my desk. I give him a smile, he's probably wondering where Toby is.

"Hey kid, is he still here?" He asks as he looks over at Toby's office.

"Hi Leo. Yes, he made a quick run to the mess and should be back soon. Is there anything I can-" but before I'm able to finish my sentence, we both turn our heads to the television as a local station reports breaking news:

Good evening and this just in. We are reporting a 5-Alarm Fire at a textile factory on S Street NW in the Shaw neighborhood. The cause of the fire is currently unknown, but amongst the nearly 100,000 square foot building, 21 of DC's 33 Engine Companies are exhausting all options to control the fire. We have just received word that multiple Search and Rescue Firefighters are now trapped within the burning building with limited communication. A high priority rescue effort is in effect as a Rapid Intervention Team has been sent in. The Sector Officer onsite has confirmed that the trapped firefighters are from the following Engine Companies:

9, 23, and 14.


	16. Into The Fire

The Sector Officer onsite has confirmed that the trapped firefighters are from the following Engine Companies: 9, 23, and 14 . . .

The announcement from the news broadcast washes over me. My hand immediately flies up to cover my mouth to keep me from crying out. I sit there, frozen, as I feel the tears welling in my eyes. Josh is in danger and I am scared to death. I feel like my heart stops beating for a moment, until I feel Leo's hand on my shoulder, unfreezing me.

"Donna? If there is some place you'd rather be, everyone would understand." I turn to look at him, he's scared too, I can see it in his eyes. Josh is like a son to him. I've never seen the look of fear on Leo McGarry's face, until now.

"Thanks Leo." My words are barely audible and said in a voice that I barely recognize. I say nothing else as I grab my car keys from my desk drawer and begin the sprint out of the West Wing. I'm so thankful I decided to drive to work today. It's not something I do very often.

I reach my car and my hands are shaking as I try to put the key inside the lock. The shaking has nothing to do with the cold early April chill, and everything to do with the fear coursing through my body. Everything I have felt over the past six weeks: the heartache, the sadness, the exhaustion, the pain, it doesn't even compare to the emotions that are flooding through my body at this very moment. The possibility that Josh might die has filled me with an overwhelming sense of anguish and helplessness. I can't save him. There is nothing I can do, but every instinct I have is telling me to go there, to go to the fire.

I finally unlock my car and climb inside. As I start the engine, I remind myself that the DCFD are an amazing group of people and with Chief Harper as their leader, they can do this. They can rescue the trapped firefighters. Josh is going to get out, he has to, because he's Josh and the world needs people like Joshua Lyman.

"He's going to be okay. Josh is going to be okay." I repeat the words over and over.

As I pull into the street I'm already down shifting into third gear with my shaking hand, and I'm not stopping for red lights. I have to get to Josh. I take 13th, to Logan Circle, and hit fourth gear as I speed up Rhode Island Avenue. I can already see the smoke rising in the sky, reminding me that I'm almost there, but I still feel like I can't get there fast enough. Without hesitation, I slam down on the clutch and shift into fifth gear.

Up ahead, I can already see the barricade, so I take the next side street. I know I need to find a place to park soon, I'm not going to be able to get too close to the site with my car. I make another turn and my thoughts quickly switch from parking to panic as flames come into my view. I have never seen a fire like this, a stream of never ending flames blending into the dark night sky. There is an empty church parking lot a little ways up the street on my right and I decide to turn in.

I get out of my car and immediately I smell smoke. The fire is so intense that both the scent and haze of smoke have traveled multiple blocks. I don't even bother to lock my car as I take off running down the street, the final four blocks are all that's left standing between me and Josh. I'm on the last leg of my barely two mile journey and I've never been more grateful for making the choice to not wear heels to work. The idea of anything slowing me down at this point is too much. I would run barefoot if I had to.

As I sprint, I continue on with the phrase that I kept repeating in the car, "He's going to be okay. Josh is going to be okay." The air is only getting thicker with smoke and I can feel the rise in temperature. All I can do is stare straight ahead at the flames as I continue to pound my feet against the pavement. The fire is blasting out of every window and I see multiple engine companies working tirelessly on the water pumps to fight the raging flames.

I finally make it to the barricade where there is a swarm of media, police officers, and ambulances. I'm glad to see firefighters and factory workers getting checked out by paramedics and drinking water. There is so much commotion, that I'm able to just duck under one of the wooden barriers unnoticed. Josh. I have to find Josh. I just need to know he's okay. He doesn't even have to see me. Even if Josh and I can't be together, I can cope with that. As long as I see that he's alive, that will be enough.

My eyes continue to scan the fire sight and my ears are alert, waiting for someone to say: Engine Company 14, Josh, Lieutenant Lyman . . . Anything that will suggest an update on Josh. I'm walking in a sea of yellow and black turnout gear, but I would recognize Josh anywhere. I see several police officers walking around, but still no one has stopped me or asked why I'm here. I briefly wonder if they saw my White House credentials and just figured I could be here for whatever reason. Regardless, I'm thankful to be left alone.

I continue to walk around, the smoke is making it hard to see but the fire has lit up the entire site. There are ladder trucks, fire engines, police cruisers, and ambulances everywhere. Several emergency response leaders are moving around, speaking frantically into their walkies and it's scaring me. Are Josh and the other search and rescue firefighters still trapped? I feel tears begin to fall as my terrifying thoughts start to consume me.

"Keep looking Donna," I tell myself as I continue to walk around. My motions are frantic as I begin quickly looking in every direction. I feel desperation setting in. I don't see Josh anywhere.

"Josh!" I scream his name as loud as I can, but no one turns their head. It's like no one can hear me, like I'm underwater, drowning in a sea of uncertainty. I call out his name one more time, but I'm met with the same response.

A loud crash from the flame-engulfed textile factory causes me to turn towards the building. It's beginning to collapse. "Oh my God!" I cry out as I look on in horror, covering my mouth to keep myself from screaming. All I can do is stand there and watch as engine companies continue to douse the flames with gallons and gallons of water.

"Get all units out. Repeat all units out. Over." I hear someone command into their walkie. And then it hits me, no more efforts are being made to rescue Josh. And he has to be in there still, because I've looked everywhere and I can't find him.

Josh is going to die.

The thought pierces my heart and I fall to the ground. My knees completely gave out. I sit there, devastated and heartbroken as I watch the commotion around me. But after a moment, my body and heart can't take it anymore and a deep, painful sob erupts from me. The love of my life is gone. How can I live in a world where Joshua Lyman doesn't exist?

All I can do is cry my eyes out. Josh was so sure this would be his fate. But something inside me urges me to look up. I don't know if it is desperation or intuition, and it doesn't matter, I look up.

There are three firefighters running out from the burning building, and everyone stops to look, all of the commotion freezes for a moment before I hear an eruption of cheers and clapping. "The last three are out!" I hear someone yell.

"Josh," I whisper as I stand to my feet. I know it's him. Every fiber of my being tells me it's Josh. He's the one standing in the middle. I watch him remove his heavy gear as he walks towards an ambulance and takes a seat on the back of the rig. I see him looking around, and he looks in my direction, but I don't think he sees me. That's probably for the best. I don't want him to feel like he has to say something. After all, I haven't heard from him since we ended things.

Relief floods my body as I truly realize that he's safe. I watch as the paramedic checks him over and I'm glad to see that he's guzzling a bottle of water. Someone hands him a cloth and I watch as he aggressively tries to scrub the soot and dirt from his face. He's really fidgety, I'm guessing he's looking to get his exam over with quickly so he can talk to Chief Harper. Josh manages to sit still for a moment as the paramedic finishes checking his airway and nostrils, and gives him a thumbs up. He's all cleared medically. I watch as he hops off the back of the ambulance.

"He's okay. He's okay. I can go now. There's no reason for me to be here anymore," I tell myself as I turn to walk away and head back to my car.

I've only been walking for about ten seconds when I feel a hand on my arm and I'm gently being turned around. All of a sudden, Josh and I are looking into each other's eyes. I feel his arms wrap around me and the world around us disappears.

And then his lips are crashing against mine.


	17. A Fire Needs Oxygen

And then his lips are crashing against mine . . .

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

Josh is kissing me senseless. I'm vaguely aware of a bright flash and immediately I know that our photo will be on the cover of tomorrow's paper, but I don't care, because Josh is kissing me. His lips are warm and comforting, tinged with a hint of urgency. My response is natural and I let myself feel it. All of it. I feel a warmth flow through my body that I never thought I would feel again. Josh moves his hands from my hips to my back and into my hair. Everywhere he touches ignites a fire so intense that I can feel the ice inside me begin to thaw. At once, all of the shattered pieces of my heart find their way back together, and I'm no longer broken or cold. That heartbreaking chill I felt for six weeks has disappeared.

Our kiss isn't tentative or searching.

It's desperate and intense. Filled with need.

I feel Josh's arms wrap around me as my hands find their way to his hair. My thumbs rub along his temples as my fingers thread through his curly locks. Slowly, Josh's hands trail up along my sides and come to rest on my cheeks. He gently tugs at my lower lip and presses his lips to mine one last time before we both break the kiss and cling to each other. I don't think I have ever held anything as tightly as I'm holding Josh. I now understand the true meaning of the phrase "holding on for dear life."

We almost lost each other tonight.

I'm immediately enveloped in Josh's redolence as I breathe him in. Even behind the layer of smoke I am able to draw in his concentrated scent. He does smell a little bit like a campfire though, and it makes me smile, because we were given a second chance. I wouldn't care if Josh smelled like campfire for the rest of our lives, if it meant that he would always come home safely after a shift at the firehouse.

I feel Josh press his lips to my neck as he continues to breathe in and out. Unhurriedly, he begins to place more gentle kisses along my neck, jaw, and cheek until he reaches my hair, pausing to breathe me in. I'm sure I smell a little bit like a campfire too. I feel Josh smile and it makes my heart pound. His forehead rests against mine and we stay like that for a moment, before his hands come to rest on my face as he tenderly kisses my lips.

"I love you, Donnatella. I'm in love with you. I have been since the moment I first pressed my lips to yours that night in your apartment, and I'm never going to stop feeling that way about you. Ever. I love you, I miss you, I need you the way a fire needs oxygen. And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for the way I handled things. If I could turn back the time and fix the mess I made six weeks ago, I would. I had a whole Nine-Point Plan that was supposed to start tonight. I bought roses, I was going to wear the black sweater you liked, and I was going to knock on your door and declare my undying love for you and beg for your forgiveness, but then one hour before my shift was over, the bell went off, and now my Nine-Point Plan is ruined."

I can't help it when the biggest smile I've ever had appears on my face. I feel tears of happiness begin to prick at the back of my eyes and my hand comes to rest over my lips for a brief moment.

He loves me.

I'm looking into Josh's eyes and they are shining; filled with so much love and sincerity. "Joshua Lyman, you would not have had to beg for my forgiveness. All is forgiven. What happened six weeks ago doesn't matter, it's in the past. I love you. I love you so much." I lean in and kiss him thoroughly, my thumbs rubbing his cheeks as I silently show Josh with my kiss just how much I truly love him.

He breaks our kiss and looks into my eyes. A deep dimpled smile emerges on his face as the words naturally roll off his tongue:

"Marry me, Donnatella. I don't have a ring, but I've been shopping for one, and asking you to marry me was part of my Nine-Point Plan, but I can't wait another minute."

"I don't need a ring Josh." I'm barely able to choke out the words as tears begin to fall down my face.

"Of course you do," Josh whispers as he wipes away my tears with his thumb. "You should have the type of ring that women show to their lady friends that leaves them all speechless." I can't help but giggle at his reasoning.

"It's not the ring that makes women speechless Josh. It's the news that their friend is getting married."

"Well fine, but I'm still getting you a ring. But maybe I should ya know wait . . Wait until you answer my question, Donnatella Moss.

"YES!" I all but scream the word as I'm overfilled with happiness. I'm going to marry Joshua Lyman, the love of my life, my soulmate.

"YES?!" Josh's enthusiasm matches my own.

"YES! OF COURSE YES!"

Josh's lips crash against mine and then his arms are wrapping around me and my feet are lifted off the ground. We stay like that for a moment before he spins me in his arms. I hear several people clapping and shouting their congratulations. I didn't realize we had an audience. A photographer must still be hanging around, because I see more bright flashes appear out of the corner of my eye. Normally, I hate being the center of attention, it embarrasses me. But right now I don't care. All I care about is this moment with Josh.

The vibrations from the ground as the factory begins to really collapse reminds us of where we are, of what could have happened. The crowd eventually gives us our privacy as we stand there, just holding each other for a few minutes.

"I almost lost you." My words are barely discernible as I hold Josh tighter.

"I know, but you didn't." His words match mine as he buries his head in the crook of my neck. I'm not sure how much time passes when I feel Josh start to rub slow circles on my back, bringing us back to the present.

"Baby, where's your coat?" Josh's hands move to my arms, rubbing them briskly, but I don't feel cold. In fact, his chosen term of endearment makes me feel warmer. I think that one's going to stick.

"I didn't bring one. I just . . . I saw the news, dropped everything, and ran out of the West Wing."

"You dropped what you were doing at the White House, to make sure I was okay?" I hear the surprise in his voice. How could he possibly think that my work at the White House is more important than him?

"There is nothing more important than you, Josh. I was scared to death that you were hurt, and I knew where I had to be. I . . . I didn't stop for red lights.

I see the emotion running deep in Josh's eyes as he looks at me, and I feel like my heart might beat out of my chest. He finally regains his words.

"Well, there is nothing more important than you, Donna. I want to get a jacket on you and have you get checked out by a paramedic. I want to make sure you didn't inhale any smoke."

"Oh Josh, that's not necessary. I'm not cold and I don't need to see a paramedic when they could be helping a firefighter."

"Please Donna. For me?" He pleads with me and my resolve melts. I just can't say no.

"Okay." I smile and take his hand.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

"Will you come over tonight?" Josh asks as the paramedic is finishing up. I'm glad I gave in to his request. No smoke inhalation and I'm wearing an oversized DCFD nylon jacket, both of which make Josh very happy, and that makes me happy.

"Of course," I smile. Spending the night in Josh's arms sounds perfect.

"I have to write a report back at the station, I should be home in about two hours. How about you go home, pack some clothes for the next few days? And um ya know, maybe pack more things that you can leave at my place?" Josh takes my hand and kisses me softly.

"K." I rub the pad of my thumb against his hand as we grin at one another.

"Ah-kay. Good."

"You're all set Donna," Mickey, the paramedic, tells me as he packs up his gear.

"Thanks Mickey," Josh and I both say together. We're left alone and immediately we reach for one another. No one cares if Josh and I can't stop kissing each other, everyone here understands how terrifying tonight was.

Rationally, I know that the sooner I leave, the sooner I get to spend the evening with Josh at his house, but I just can't bring myself to leave and neither can he.

"Josh I have seen a lot of fires in my tenure as Chief, but nothing as frightening as tonight. You have no idea the relief I felt when you ran out of that building, but I know Donna does. Hi Donna, nice to see you again, although I wish it were under better circumstances."

"Hi Chief Harper, you too, and yes, better circumstances would be ideal. Is everyone okay?"

"Yes. Luckily, everyone got out and has been evaluated by medical staff or sent to the hospital, DCFD crew and the factory employees. I'm sure you saw, but your boyfriend here was one of the last three out."

"Fiance." Josh immediately jumps in.

"Congratulations! Deviating from your Nine-Point Plan already, eh Josh?" Chief Harper winks. She knew about Josh's plan and that puts a smile on my face. I'm glad that they're close, that he had someone to talk to.

"I didn't want to wait."

"No. I didn't think you would." Chief Harper laughs as she claps Josh on the back.

"Well Lieutenant, who would have thought that on your last shift as a Search and Rescue firefighter, in the eleventh hour, that the bell would ring for a 5-Alarm fire? I mean what are the odds?"

I'm absolutely shocked as I look from Chief Harper to Josh. Tonight was his last shift? Josh sees the expression on my face as he takes my hands in his and gives me a quick kiss.

"It's all part of my Nine-Point Plan, Donnatella."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww yay!!!! They're finally "together" together. No more rules, no more friends who x, y, z. I will try to get the next chapter written and published as soon as I can, but my schedule is kinda hectic these next few weeks. Per my story outline, I was originally planning to have this chapter and the next chapter be combined, but after writing this, I thought it would be too long, so I split the chapters up. But yay for an extra chapter, right? :) 
> 
> Also, I had thought that by this point, all of my chapters would have been written in advance, but life happens. 
> 
> I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter :) As always, thank you for your comments/kudos, it means a lot to me!


	18. No More Rules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for taking so long to publish this chapter, it has been a busy few weeks. In this chapter, I was originally going to have Josh tell his story to Donna about how he coped during their six weeks apart and the changes he made, but I decided to make that a separate chapter. Otherwise, this would have been around 4000 words. So that means another extra chapter in this story :)
> 
> This chapter is a little steamy, but the description of the steamy stuff isn't really that detailed.
> 
> I also wanted to say thank you for nominating this story in one of the AU categories for the Fan Fiction awards. It made my day!
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter :)
> 
> \- SeaDog

I'm just about finished parallel parking when I see Josh hop up from the steps of his townhouse, look both ways, and jog across the street. He's there to meet me just as I'm opening my car door and instantly his lips are fused to mine.

"I love you," his words are breathy as our kiss deepens and I'm gently pushed back against my Honda. I'm pretty sure I could stay here all night getting lost in our kiss, but it's chilly out and I know we both want to get inside and have some privacy.

"I love you Josh." I bite my lower lip and run my hands up his chest, enjoying the feel of his soft cashmere sweater against my fingers. "What a nice way to be greeted," my tone is soft and playful as I wrap my arms around Josh's neck, my fingers resting in his auburn curls.

"I added the kiss to my Nine-Point Plan, Donnatella. It's part of my new and improved plan," he tells me as his fingers push a few tendrils behind my ear.

"It's a nice addition, Joshua." I'm suddenly finding it very difficult to speak as I look into his eyes. I love this man with every fiber of my being and I still cannot believe that we're standing here in this moment together when not even three hours ago I was overcome with fear that I might never see Josh again.

"This is for you," he whispers as he gently presses his lips to mine and hands me the long stemmed red rose he has been holding. "The rest are upstairs."

"Thank you." I kiss his cheek and let my lips linger on his skin. God, I missed him so much it hurts.

"You know," I begin to say in a lighthearted tone as I move my lips to his ear. "It's cold out here, you didn't have to wait for me outside."

"I wanted to."

"Well I guess that makes you a really nice guy, Lieutenant."

"Am I still a nice guy even though I made a big mistake with us?" My heart tugs painfully at his question, and Josh looks sheepish as he waits for my answer. I really don't want him to feel guilty about this.

"Of course you are. You're the nicest of the nice." I smile as I say the words, but I pause for a moment to look deep into his expressive brown eyes, my voice more serious now. "I understand why you ended our relationship Josh, please don't feel guilty. Remember what I told you? All is forgiven. What happened six weeks ago doesn't matter, it's in the past. I love you." I kiss him thoroughly, the need to feel his lips against mine is overwhelming.

"I love you Donna. I'm going to spend the rest of my life making up for the pain I caused you."

"How about we agree to move forward instead? But if at any time you're feeling bad about what happened six weeks ago, you can tell me and we can work through it together." I offer the compromise, hopeful that he agrees to it.

Josh is quiet for a moment, but then I see a deep dimpled grin on his face and I'm convinced that he's all in on the compromise. "It's a deal Donnatella." He seals his statement with a kiss before grabbing my duffle bag from the backseat of my car and slinging it over his shoulder. And then taking my hand in his, we quickly walk across the street to his townhouse.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

"Do you have to work tomorrow?" Josh asks quietly after breaking our long, unhurried kiss in his living room.

"Mmm nope. Toby hasn't needed me to come in on Saturdays for the past few weeks. We're pretty caught up on our work load."

"So I get you all to myself this weekend," he gives me an impish grin.

"Mmmhmm, you're stuck with me Pumpkin Patch."

"Listen Smoke Detector Lady, you're going to be seeing a lot of me from now on. So I think, you are in fact, actually stuck with me." He pulls me against his body and gives me a deep, chaste kiss. I think we both thought that we were about to have the conversation about him leaving the DCFD, but as we stand here looking into each other's eyes with slightly bruised lips and flushed cheeks, we both know what's about to happen next.

Our conversation can wait. There's no rush, we have all the time in the world.

I feel Josh's hands move to cup my cheeks as his lips meet mine. Our kiss is languid, but quickly turns to a frenetic embrace as our hands rove quickly, trying to touch each other everywhere. I feel his tongue slowly glide along my lower lip and I part my lips, inviting him in. I feel his touch and his kiss all over my body to the point where I don't know where the electricity begins or ends.

I feel that familiar deep, magnificent ache inside me that only Josh can create. I feel him pressing against me, and I know he's ready too. My body shivers in anticipation. Josh's hands continue to travel and suddenly I feel his thumbs graze over the fabric of my shirt covering my breasts. I let out a soft moan, I can't help it. Just the faintest touch from Josh to any sensitive part of my body is enough to push me over the edge right now.

His fingers move to the hem of my shirt, making quick work of throwing it over his shoulder and then his sweater and undershirt join it on the floor. Our lips meld together as I feel him pop the button on my jeans and I'm tugging at his belt. It feels like we can't get undressed fast enough, but we get there, leaving just a few scraps of fabric to remove. And like we've done so many times in the past, Josh lifts me up and carries me to his bedroom as I straddle his waist. My ankles link and I massage his lower back with my heel, and the sensation of his warm skin against mine feels incredible, I've missed this feeling, I've missed being enveloped by Josh. Our kiss deepens as I run my fingers through his curls, tugging gently, the way he loves. I hear a moan escape from Josh, causing a warm rush to my lower abdomen.

I'm suddenly surrounded by pillows as Josh lands us both on his thick duvet cover. Our lips detached as he slowly begins to trail soft open mouthed kisses down my chest, and I can't help but arch my body in response. My body is silently begging him to move slightly to the left or the right, it really doesn't matter to me.

"God, I missed you so much," his words are breathy as he tilts his head to the right, causing me to thrust my hips.

"I missed you," I tell him as I sit up and guide his face to mine. I kiss him fervently as I take his hands in mine and move them to the clasp of my bra. Josh wastes no time and tosses the lacy navy blue garment to the floor. He moves his hands to cup my breasts and his touch feels so good I think I might pass out.

Josh nudges me back down on the pillows and I get comfortable, his lips and tongue find their way back to my chest and I feel his hands wander down to my hips, giving my underwear a gentle tug. I happily take the hint and lift my hips as he slides the lacy material down my legs. I run my foot along his boxers, and he's quickly pulling them off. I don't think my body can handle too much more anticipation.

Moving his hand down in between my legs, Josh touches me to test my readiness, but freezes for a moment as his hands find their way to my hips. "I know your body is physically ready, but do you feel ready, Donna?" His words are quiet and tender as he searches my eyes with his for any doubt.

There isn't any, but I still want to voice it.

"Yes, touch me, Joshua. Make love to me," I whisper as I press my lips to his, letting him know how much I need to feel him inside me.

He responds with a gentle kiss to my lips and then slowly starts to push himself inside me. It takes barely a heartbeat for my body to adjust to him, and then our bodies fit perfectly, like they always have.

"Are you okay?" He asks while stilling himself inside me, his voice slightly strained.

"Mmmhmm." It's the only response my voice can come up with, I'm overwhelmed in the best possible way by how good he feels.

"I love you Donnatella," he whispers, pushing my hair back as he starts to carefully move his body . . .

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

Josh is running his hands up and down my back as I curl into him under his warm sheets, sleepy and sated. Every emotion Josh was feeling, he shared with me when we made love. I really could lay here naked with him all night as our hands rediscover one another's body, just basking in the afterglow.

We're quiet for a few minutes and I think we're both about to doze off when Josh's hand grazes over my stomach and suddenly stops moving. I look over and notice that he has a strange look on his face, his eyes full of concern. "Donna you've lost so much weight," his tone is full of sadness and guilt. But as I lay here exploring his upper body and his stomach, it's become quite evident to me that he's lost weight too.

"So have you, Josh," I hear the sadness and guilt in my own words. Josh reaches for my hand and gently nuzzles his nose against mine as we look into each other's eyes, silently forgiving one another for not taking care of ourselves during our time apart.

"I think we're both on the verge of sleep, but do you want to take a quick shower with me?" Josh asks as our hands resume their exploration. I know a shower would feel amazing right now. Josh loves being in the water after a fire, and the shower he takes at the firehouse after a call is never enough. He always ends up coming home and hoping in his shower. I love getting soapy with him, so I'm not complaining.

"Mmm, but I think I need you to carry me, Lieutenant. I don't think I have the energy to get up." I was only playing, but suddenly I feel Josh's hands under my body and he's hauling us into his bathroom.

"As you wish." He plants a kiss on my lips as he sets me down with ease and starts the water.

I immediately realize that the shower was a fantastic idea as I feel the hot water cascade over me. Josh is running his hands up and down from my chest to my abdomen, his lips are slow-moving against the most sensitive part of my neck.

"I'm gonna make you waffles after this before bed," his hands caress my flat stomach reverently.

"And by make me waffles, do you mean pop a few Eggos in the toaster?" I ask with mirth as I bite down on my tongue a little to keep from laughing.

"Mmmhmm. You can have your choice of homestyle, buttermilk, or chocolate chip. Or a variety!" He pats my belly gently before continuing, "I want to make sure you eat plenty Donna. Lots of carbs this weekend." I squeeze his arm in response. I know he's going to make it his mission to get me to gain the weight back that I lost as soon as possible. That's my mission too, for him.

"I'm having one of each and so are you. And tomorrow, or rather, later today when we wake up, I'm making pancakes."

"Let's put chocolate chips in them." I hear the excitement in his voice and I can't help but have a little fun with him.

"Hmm. I was actually thinking of blueberries . . ."

"WHAT?! Donnnnna," he whines. "Baby you know I don't do fruit in my breakfast carbs or fruit in anything for that matter, except pie. I'm still traumatized from that time I accidentally bit into an oatmeal raisin cookie, thinking it was chocolate chip. I feel like I always have to double check cookies now." I've turned to face him to watch his little rant. I do love watching his hands gesticulating wildly.

"Relax, Pumpkin Patch. I know your disdain for any fruit finding its way into your food. I'm just teasing you."

"I'll show you teasing, Donnatella," he smirks as he pulls my body flush against his, kissing me senseless.

We absolutely stayed in the shower longer than anticipated.

0o0o0oo0o0o0o

"So this whole eating waffles in the ridiculously early hours of the morning and laying in bed together would be fun to do umm ya know, every night." I hear Josh's voice go up at the end to the point where it's almost like he's asking me a question, and I'm pretty sure he is. It's impossible to hide my smile.

He turns to his side a bit more to face me, and I see the serious look on his face. "I want you to move in with me, I want to marry you whenever you're ready, and I want to make babies with you. I want to start our life together, Donna," he smiles earnestly, kissing me softly after each declaration.

I hold back the tears threatening to spill over. Yesterday I never thought this could be a possibility. I was so sure that Josh would never change his mind about having the things he wants in life, that he was so consumed by his guilt over his sister and his belief that being a Search and Rescue firefighter meant that we couldn't be together.

"I want all those things too, Josh. And I am ready to marry you now." I smile as I kiss him chastely, but he holds me close and I feel him smiling against my lips.

"You gotta bring the loveseat from your place."

"I was already imagining where it would go in your living room," I wink. We've had some really great moments on that couch, including really fantastic sex, a lot of it.

"And ya know we could set a date?" He asks, sounding hopeful.

"I'd like that."

"Me too." I feel Josh's lips against my neck and my hands immediately find his curls. I pull him towards me and what starts out as a little makeout session before bed quickly turns into making love again. I love this man more than I can express in words, so I show him with my body.

Josh Lyman sent a flame through my body the moment he walked into my life and my heart has been on fire ever since.


	19. A Nine-Point Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! I am so sorry for taking so long to publish this chapter. I've had a really busy past few months and my baby has decided that she doesn't really like naps anymore, so I've been pretty tired lol. I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

I open my eyes and stretch. I don't even remember falling asleep last night. "Hey," I say sleepily as I turn to face Josh.

"Good morning," he whispers as he puts his LSAT prep book down and leans over to kiss me. "How are you feeling? Are you sore at all? I know we were pretty active last night and it's been awhile." His sincerity for my well being always gets me a little verklempt.

"Mmm, a little. But in the best way possible. Are you taking the LSAT Josh?" I can't hide the elation in my voice.

"Well, first off, I'm sorry you're sore, I'm gonna have to take care of you today in other ways."

"I'm fine Josh, really. You don't need to apologize, it was amazing. Last night was amazing."

"It was." He grins.

"Don't sidetrack me though, let's get back to the main focus here," I chide playfully as I drum his book with my fingers.

"Yeah. There's a lot of stuff I know we want to talk about. And I was planning to last night, but umm ya know, we got busy." He wiggles his eyes at me. VERY busy.

"Joshua Lyman, it sounds like you are making some big plans." I can feel the excitement bubbling inside me. He's applying to law school and I couldn't be happier for him.

"I think it's best if I start this story from the beginning." He holds his arm out for me, and I snuggle into his side. We're quiet for a little while, and I'm enjoying the steady movement of Josh's hand rubbing my shoulder. I know he's gathering his thoughts.

"I didn't handle our time apart very well," he tells me several moments later. He pauses again, pressing his lips against my head as he slowly runs his hand along my hair. "And hearing you cry outside your door that night, knowing that I caused you that kind of pain . . . Donna you have no idea how much I just wanted to walk back inside and take you in my arms and never let you go. The hardest thing I ever had to do was walk away from you. From us. But you know how I think. You know I was dead set on the idea that I couldn't have a relationship and a family. So I walked away. I believed you were better off without me in your life and that you would find someone who could give you what I couldn't. By walking away, I thought I was offering you a real shot at happiness in your future.

I felt like I was in trance that first week. I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to be at my place because everything reminded me of you and I couldn't deal with that kind of pain. So I kept long hours at the station and passed out for a few hours here and there in my office or firehouse bed. I was a real wreck and an absolute nightmare to work with. Nobody wanted to be around me, and I don't blame them. Then I uhh . . . had an outburst at the firehouse, in front of Chief Harper."

"Oh Josh." I place my hand on his cheek. Knowing that he was struggling makes my heart ache.

"Yeah, like I said, I didn't handle things well." He's silent for a little while as he takes his time to reverently kiss each individual finger on my left hand. "I flew off the handle when I checked in on Scooter and Darryl while they were cleaning the ladder truck. They left a lot of grime and I just . . . Well anyway I overreacted and Kate pulled me into my office. More than anything, she was concerned. I told her not to be and she asked me to have an honest conversation with her. I really didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to be left alone, but she wasn't having it. She said, ' _Well, that's just too bad Josh, because we're talking about it especially since it's impeding your ability to do your job efficiently.'_ So I shrugged and told her it was complicated, hoping she would just let it go, but of course Kate being Kate she pushed. But you know what Donna? I'm glad she did."

"Me too Josh. I'm glad you had someone looking out for you." I can't help it when I press my lips to his.

"Did you have someone Donna?" I hear the pain in his voice, and I'm glad I can put him at ease.

"CJ. We didn't talk about it, but I think she knew. A peppermint mocha and sticky notes speak volumes."

"I always knew I liked CJ Cregg. I'm glad she was there for you when I wasn't."

"She's a very likeable person. I'm glad we both had someone." I squeeze Josh's hand for reassurance. I definitely don't want him going back down the path of feeling guilty.

"Kate's a pretty insightful person. She looked me square in the face and said:

' _It's not complicated, Josh. You're in love with Donna and she's in love with you. I know how your mind works, I know the guilt you feel when we lose someone. I know you think you can't have a personal life, but you can. Just ya know, sort through your shit first before you go back to her. Make sure you've worked through your issues. Get your act together and figure it out because the last thing you need in your trove of challenges is the feeling of regret.'_

Then of course, she put me on leave and told me that I couldn't come back until I've talked to the therapist who works with the DCFD: Stanley Maxwell. For the first week I refused to call the guy. I shoved his number in a desk drawer and just spent most of my time walking around the mall, going to museums, sitting in a coffee shop. I went anywhere so that I could stay out of my house. I just missed you so much, so much to the point where I found myself wandering to the White House gates, just so I could feel close to you." His admission rips through my body and into my heart.

"Oh please don't- don't cry Donna."

"I'm sorry, I . . ."

"You don't need to be sorry. C'mere." I feel his arms wrap around my body as he holds me close. There really are no words right now. Just holding each other is all we need. I'm not sure how much time passes, but after a few kisses from Josh and a little snuggling, the tears are gone. I'm not sure why the act of him standing outside the gates affected me so much, but it did. Maybe it was because he was so close and I never knew it. He was just out there, in pain. I hate that Josh was hurting.

"So one day," he begins as he rubs my arms cheerfully. "One day I turned on my TV, expecting to see CJ Cregg at the podium, but it wasn't CJ. It was you. Just one look at your beautiful face and I knew, I just knew that I would do whatever it takes to be with you. To make things right. And by the way, you looked really great up there, Donna."

"Thank you." His praise means the world to me.

"So I pulled out Dr. Maxwell's card, and I made an appointment. In our first session I told him my goals and that I needed help achieving them. I was honest, I didn't hold back. I told him about you, about Joanie. I told him that I would feel guilty leaving the DCFD to pursue a career that I want. I told him that I wanted a life with you, but that I didn't know how to get over my fear of leaving a wife and children behind, because I was so sure I would die trying to get out of a burning building. Opening up to a stranger was hard for me, but I was determined to work through my issues, that it would be worth it, because I would be able to give you every part of me. We had a lot to talk about, but I put the work in, three times a week. I think it's safe to say that meeting with Stanley was the beginning of my Nine-Point Plan. I needed to get my act together so I could woo you.

So one morning, after working with Stanley for a little while, I stopped by Kate's office. She certainly wasn't surprised when I told her that I was quitting Search and Rescue. I let her know I was willing to stay on until August as a trainer for the Probationary Firefighters, but after that I hoped to be starting Law School . . ." He lets the words trail off as he raises his eyebrows at me, a dimpled grin forming.

"I figured that's what this was about," I laugh a little as I tap my fingers against his LSAT prep book.

"Mmmhmm. I've been studying nonstop. I'm taking the LSAT next week and then sending in my application to Georgetown Law." He gently puts his hands on my cheeks and kisses my ear. "It's like you said, I can have the life I want Donna. It took me a little while to see that. I know I have said it over and over, that my biggest fear is leaving behind my family. Well it became very clear to me that I made my biggest fear come true the night I left you behind at your apartment. I'm so sorry about that night," he whispers the words and continues to place soft kisses on my ear.

"No apologies, remember? And you have worked so hard to reach your goals Josh and I'm so proud of you."

"Right. No apologies. I need to work on that. And thanks, it means a lot, ya know, that you're proud of me." He leans in and kisses my lips, it's soft and sweet, perfect for the moment. "And Donna I need you to know something," he begins to tell me after we break our kiss. I feel him squeeze my hand as he looks into my eyes. "Even if I wanted to continue my career as a Search and Rescue Firefighter, I still would have gone to see Stanley and worked through my issues so that we could be together. It's important to me that you know that."

"Thank you for telling me." I feel tears start to prick in my eyes, but I don't want them to fall. It takes a lot of willpower to maintain my composure, but I'm able to do it with a smile. I don't want to cry anymore today, even if they are happy tears. "So last night, last night was your last shift on Search and Rescue?" I remember the conversation with Chief Harper from the night before as we sat on the back of the ambulance.

"Yupp. I have next week off and then the following week I start as a trainer for the next few months. And if I don't get into Georgetown, I will stay on as a trainer until I do get accepted into Law School. It doesn't have to be Georgetown."

"You're going to get in Josh. They would be lucky to have you. You've earned your spot at Georgetown. But until school starts, how do you feel about training?"

"It's fine. I'm basically bossing a bunch of new firefighters around and teaching them how not to mess up."

"You'll be good at that."

"It's right up my alley, you know, the whole bossing people around thing."

"Well I meant you will be good at it because you're a good teacher, but your answer makes sense too."

"I think it will be fun to teach rookies for awhile, since ya know, if I get into law school I will be a student for three years. But enough about that. I want to hear about these press briefings, Miss Moss. Are you possibly moving towards the path of Deputy Press Secretary?" Josh raises his eyebrow, a smile adorns his face. He really looks adorable like this, especially with his tousled hair. I'm about to answer, but he's kissing his way down my stomach.

"Mmm you're distracting me Joshua."

"Well we can't have that." He stops and looks at me, and as much as I want to tell him about my new professional journey, I really just need to be with him right now.

"Maybe you can keep doing what you're doing and we can talk about it after? Over pancakes?"

"Mmm but you're sore . . ." His words are low as he trails his lips down past my belly button. My legs immediately open for him.

"I think there are some other things we can do." I bite my lower lip, I know it drives him crazy.

"Indeed there are Donnatella. Indeed there are." I feel his tongue against my inner thigh and my body responds quickly. I'm not sure how much longer I can wait before I combust.

"You said my full name. That's against the rules," I say with mirth as my hand entagles in his curls.

"We both know that there are no more rules, Donnatella. Not that we weren't constantly breaking them to begin with, but ya know what I mean." His words are breathy against my skin.

"I know what you mean." I grin at him as I let my body sink deeper into the pillows. My fingers continue to thread through his hair, while his mouth hovers over me, bathing me in his hot breath. When he finally makes contact with the most sensitive part of my body I see stars and all thoughts of past rules escape my mind.


End file.
